Here's a good one. The party's over. You want to send a thank-you card to the host/hostess. When should you send it? The simplest answer to this question is to send thank-you cards as soon as possible. You always have a window but it's different for brides than for party guests. Here's the difference.

Sending Thank You Cards After A Wedding

Most people do not expect thank-you cards to arrive quickly after a wedding because the couple is on their honeymoon. They know you're busy. It can wait a week. If it waits two…or three…or four…they'll probably think you've forgotten about them, returned the gift or didn't like it.

So, you have a window of about two (2) weeks to get your kind words in the mail. This is not to say that you should wait until the very last minute and start filling out the cards two weeks after your return. Instead, avoid a lot of hassle by getting them finished a few days after your return. This will give you time to rest and recuperate but is still inside an acceptable time frame for guests.

Just a little tip: Thank you cards for wedding gifts/attendance/participation should always be mailed or hand-delivered. Like other wedding stationery, treat thank-you cards as if they were a prized possession for the recipient. After all, they are! They're from you!!

Sending Thank You Cards After A Party

Again, the thank-yous should be sent as soon as possible. Party hosts like to receive thank-you notes within 1-7 days. Life is busy and hosts are understanding if they don't receive a thank-you note right away. Many won't expect the "thank you" at all. In this way, it's an extra warm feeling when they receive your thank-you card.

Just a little tip: Thank-you cards for parties can be sent through the mail or hand-delivered. While email is the communication beacon of today, choose this option almost last (texting is the lowest on the list).

While it's easy to let a wedding invitation fall into a pile of mail and be forgotten, it is poor guest etiquette to do so. In wedding etiquette, it is proper to r.s.v.p. promptly.

There are many reasons why you should choose to respond quickly. Two stand out above the others. First, responding quickly allows for a more accurate head count. Brides need this information when preparing seating charts, making arrangements with the caterer and dealing with other limited-space matters. Responding quickly is a kind gesture that will allow the bride an easier planning process. Plus you'll have more time to shop for the gift!

It is particularly important to r.s.v.p. to a wedding invitation if you do not plan to attend. Though rare, the bride may wish to send another invite in lieu of your attendance. That is not to say that one guest is preferred over another or that your lack of presence will go unnoticed. She may simply decide to invite her groom's boss's nephew after all.

It's nice and it frees up time for both you and the couple planning a wedding. When etiquette matters, respond to a wedding invitation post haste.

Dear Celebration Advisor: I am wanting to give my sister, who is fighting cancer, a surprise birthday dinner party. My husband and I cannot afford to pay for all the guests. On the invitation how would you word it so the guests know that the cost is $15.00 per person to attend. It is a rather awkward thing to ask so I do want to do it in a non-offensive way. Can you help me??? Thanks for your help! Anita

Reply:

This can be a tricky situation. According to Emily Post, you can't ask guest to essentially pay to attend. It is suggested that you cut the guests list down or find a less expensive venue. However, I don't necessarily agree that a party can't be "dutch treat".

This is how I usually handle those "dutch treat" parties. I don't send formal invitations. Instead I do my invites by phone or even email. When I send the invitation by email it goes something like this:

Sally's birthday is Friday May 8th. I am taking her to Godsey's restaurant for dinner at 7pm. I thought it would be a nice surprise if some of her friends were there to surprise her. I thought you might want to join us. The restaurant is going to reserve an area for our "dutch-treat" get-together. The entrees run anywhere from $15.00-$30.00. Please let me know if you will be joining us.

The most important thing is to keep the tone informal and not to declare host status. If you must send a printed invitation, keep in mind it must still reflect an informal party tone. My suggest is to word the invitation something like this:

This party invitation wording keeps the occasion tone informal. Notice the status of host is not declared in this invitation. When a party is "Dutch treat", it does not have a host per say. If you feel the need to include the term "dutch treat" on invitation do it at the bottom of the invitation like this

I hope this information will help you plan a wonderful party for your sister. Please keep me posted.

Ask The Celebration Advisor: I am giving a bridal luncheon/shower.  The invitation only says bridal luncheon.  On the enclosure about the bridal registry, can I say "You may choose your shower gift from the bridal registry" and list the bridal registry or just have the bridal registries listed.  I think most people know this is also a shower, but I want to make sure and I want to do it properly.  Thanks! Anne

The Celebration Advisor:

Anne,

A bridal luncheon when held in conjunction with a shower must follow the same etiquette as a bridal shower.  Etiquette dictates that registry information should be included with the invitation.  However, the wedding registry information must NOT be on the invitation itself.  It must be on a separate note and Read the rest of Etiquette Issue: Including Wedding Registry Info on Bridal Luncheon Invitation »

Ask The Expert: I have been invited to attend a Kwanzaa celebration at a friend's house.  What do I need to know a Kwanzaa and what kind of hostess gift etiquette applies?

Wedding and Party Network: That's a great question! Many people want to help friends and loved ones enjoy Kwanzaa though they themselves have not celebrated the holiday. Enjoying Kwanzaa for the first time is also a significant occasion that merits special attention. Even those who have celebrated Kwanzaa for years can benefit from understanding the holiday's gift giving etiquette.

First, let's start with some background information on Kwanzaa. The holiday was founded in Read the rest of Ask The Expert: What Gifts Can I Send For Kwanzaa? »