Ask The Wedding Guide: My parents want to help pay for the wedding so that my fiancee and I can have a nicer ceremony. We really appreciate the help but aren't sure what to ask them to pay. We don't want to step on toes or ask too much to we thought about asking them to buy the wedding flowers. Is that appropriate? ~ Jesse J. from Fountain, Colorado.

The Wedding Guide: Jesse, great question! I love discussing wedding etiquette so I was thrilled when I came across your question. The simplest answer is that it is fine to ask your parents if they would like to provide the wedding flowers. It's not uncommon in modern weddings for many different people to have a hand in payment. However, there are a few things to keep in mind when the wedding is being paid for by more than just the couple.

First, consider your parents temperament. I say this first because of your concern for stepping on toes. It's easy to do even by accident in matters this large. You know your parents well and very likely know how to best approach them with this subject. Simply be respectful when the subject is brought up. Understand that you and your bride may have to forgo certain features in favor of compromise.

If they ask to pay for more than the wedding flowers, discuss it with your fiancee before agreeing or declining. Then again, your parents may not want to foot more than the wedding flowers. It's always a good idea to discuss this with your bride first. If you want to know about some other options, here is a recent blog about whose family pays for what under traditional wedding etiquette standards. Not to bead a dead horse or bore you with a longer answer, you may also enjoy this checklist about the roles of brides, grooms, bridesmaids and ushers in paying for the wedding.

I hope you figure out a compromise. I'm sure you'll walk the aisle of a great wedding ceremony! Don't forget to let me know how it turns out. Thanks Jesse!

Ask The Celebration Advisor: Hi: Regarding Party Favors at a reception only event.

I have a cousin, who just told the bride, that there is a new trend in party favors.  In lieu of giving out party favors, the couple "donate to their favorite charity"

I am questioning this, because, first and foremost, this relative is NOT a wedding planner, nor does she have any background in weddings other then being a "guest."

I desperately need your advice, because the bride is from another country and has selected this "relative" to be her "wedding planner"

HELP  Helen from Los Angeles Ca

Many many thanks.

PS:  We are a American-Japanese family.  And I know that most of the relatives will be expecting a "token" favor.

The Celebration Advisor:

Donating to a charity is a very admirable thing to do.  Many couples are choosing to forgo the wedding party favors in lieu of a charitable donation.  While wedding favors are not a requirement, many couples give favors as a way to thank guests for participating in their day.  Many cultures believe the bride and groom must give guests a token of their appreciation.  Therefore the culture of the families involved dictates the proper etiquette concerning wedding favors.  For example, in Mediterranean countries the wedding favors are Jordon almonds which represent the bitter and sweet sides of marriage.

In the Japanese culture wedding guests are thought to bring luck with them for the bride and groom and thus should be given a gift (favor) in return.  I doubt that a charitable donation as a wedding favor would be deemed an appropriate gift in the Japanese culture.

Although it is nice to have family help plan your wedding, knowing the etiquette that governs all parts of the wedding is crucial.  It is essential that you follow proper etiquette so as not to offend any of your guests. That is why professional Los Angeles wedding planners are well versed in several cultures and their wedding traditions and etiquette.  This gives them the ability to incorporate contemporary fads with cultural wedding traditions.

I would highly recommend that your cousin consult a local Los Angeles wedding planner that can work with your family "wedding planner" to combine cultural wedding favors and etiquette with contemporary ideas.

If your cousin really likes the idea of a charitable donation party favor, I would combine it with a bag of candied almonds or chocolates.  This way the bride gets what she wants without offending her guests.

While it's easy to let a wedding invitation fall into a pile of mail and be forgotten, it is poor guest etiquette to do so. In wedding etiquette, it is proper to r.s.v.p. promptly.

There are many reasons why you should choose to respond quickly. Two stand out above the others. First, responding quickly allows for a more accurate head count. Brides need this information when preparing seating charts, making arrangements with the caterer and dealing with other limited-space matters. Responding quickly is a kind gesture that will allow the bride an easier planning process. Plus you'll have more time to shop for the gift!

It is particularly important to r.s.v.p. to a wedding invitation if you do not plan to attend. Though rare, the bride may wish to send another invite in lieu of your attendance. That is not to say that one guest is preferred over another or that your lack of presence will go unnoticed. She may simply decide to invite her groom's boss's nephew after all.

It's nice and it frees up time for both you and the couple planning a wedding. When etiquette matters, respond to a wedding invitation post haste.

Ask the bride before giving a major gift such as wedding flowers, a wedding photographer, et al.

The matter of etiquette with which I'm concerned today is simple. It may seem like a "duh" kind of thing, but I found out the hard way that this is not always the case.

I recently attended a wedding as one of two photographers. Yes, there were two wedding photographers running around trying to get the best shots of the wedding. The bad thing was that we were not aware that we would be teaming up until we arrived. The other photographer was a surprise gift given to the bride the morning of her wedding!

Now while this won't typically happen for a larger wedding, some smaller ceremonies may run into this problem. The way to avoid a major headache like this (trust me on this one), is to ask the bride and groom if this type of gift would be appropriate. This should be done very early when planning a wedding as the bride will need to book services (florist, caterer, photographer, etc) well in advance.

This courtesy also avoids another source of conflict. Perhaps the bride's family is paying for the wedding. This is very traditional. For a family that encourages traditional values, the size of your gesture may come across as "stepping on toes." Then again, the couple may be paying for the wedding and welcome the relief. Therefore, it is necessary and quite advisable to discuss these types of wedding gifts with the bride and groom well in advance of the big day.

Destination weddings are very popular these days. After all, who wouldn’t want to tie the knot on a beach at sunset in Maui, Jamaica or Bermuda? There are many great destinations for your nuptials but, deciding which destination is only a small part of the wedding planning.  When considering a destination wedding you are faced with who to invite and who pays for what. Here are some destination wedding etiquette tips that should help planning your destination wedding easier.

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