Courting Before Marriage

Before you can have a wedding you have to have a courtship right? The Dutch certainly had a unique way to court their intended. It is called bundling or in Dutch queesten (kweesten).

This form of wooing is where a young lady would leave her window or door open, so that her intended lover could sit or lie on the outside covers of her bed.  At the same time,  she would lie in bed clothed in her heavy nightwear and covered heavily in blankets. The idea was for the two to converse all night and gain a bit of intimacy from each other.

This custom may have also been used in Welsh communities. However it went a bit further with the young lady dressed only in her petticoat with a knot tied at the bottom. This almost always lead to wedlock.

This custom continued on in the USA till the 1930’s where it fell out of style among those who had brought it over from the Netherlands. The Pennsylvania Dutch would allow their children (of age) to share a bed before marriage. Following the old custom both would be heavily dressed and also covered in heavy blankets. I suspect this happened more in the fall and winter then the summer. Sometimes a thick board would be placed between the two. Again the idea is for the young couple to share the night together talking and gain intimate knowledge about one another before marriage. It seems to have fall out of grace as it may have lead to actual intimacy.

Even though this custom is no longer practiced in it original form, we still do this courtship ritual our own way. Many of us spend a night or two with our intended talking all night long getting to know each other before our marriages. Sometimes we travel to a vacation spot as part of our courtship ritual.  The important concept of this wedding tradition is getting to know each other.

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Yesterday, I received a lovely email from Thu Vu owner of My Little Work Shop.  She and Brynn were having a conversation on Facebook about Wedding and Party Network and how we discuss wedding traditions among other things on the Celebration Advisor.  The conversation turned to multi-cultural weddings of which Thu Vu knows quite a bit about, since she is planning one herself.  Here is what she shared with us about Vietnamese/Chinese Wedding Traditions.

I am here to talk about the Vietnamese and Chinese wedding tradition. I am pretty sure that in America and in Canada the wedding would have a ceremony and reception. Vietnamese/Chinese tradition is different from the American's and Canadian's ceremony, which takes place at the church or somewhere else but with a priest, friends and families when you exchange your vows.

In the Vietnamese/Chinese tradition is that we have the groom's side of the family members and friends to carry lacquered, round boxes; betrothal presents to the bride's house. Only the males on his side would stand behind/beside one another (depends on what you're carrying)to carry the presents to the bride's house. You have to be unmarried and the guys that the groom may pick could be his own brothers, ushers, best man etc…

These presents are to be in your choice of betel leaves, areca nuts, wines, jewelries, fruits, cake tea, tea set, whole pig etc…you are to carry about 10-12 of these presents to her house. You may have double of the same items if you wish. The gifts are to be covered by red cloths.

The bride's side of the family members and friends are suppose to be waiting by the door. Their jobs are to collect the presents. The groom then would ask for the bride's hand in marriage.

The groom then are to place the jewelries on her. Such as placing the earrings in her ear and the ring on her finger. The parents/gram parents are to be seated on chairs, you are to take the tea while you are in front of them on your knees. You basically bow and give them tea to have a sip.

This tea giving is a very respectful thing to do when joining two families in one. I thank you for taking the time to read this. I will soon put some pictures up of my engagement. I am doing the presents giving and not the tea ceremony. The tea ceremony is used at the wedding. I attached some pictures for you, so enjoy!

What a beautiful tradition, both in color and in sentiment.  Thank you for sharing such a wonderful wedding tradition with us. The photos are amazing.