Captive Honeymoon!

This past weekend I attended a lovely morning wedding.  The ceremony time was chosen, not because morning light is so beautiful, but so the couple could catch an early flight to their honeymoon destination.  This made me wonder, where did the honeymoon tradition start?

Weddings have taken place in some form or another since the beginning of history. However, I wondered if early honeymoons were like they are now.  I doubt that past generations could afford to travel as we do now for our honeymoons.  So I began my own journey to find the answer to “where did the honeymoon tradition come from?”

In my quest, I found it had to do with the “capture of the bride” era. This era is known as marriage by capture and in some third world countries still takes place.  Historically “marriage by capture” is roughly attributed to the 15th century and considered the beginning of the honeymoon concept.  However, honeymoons may have occurred much early.

The honeymoon took place after the man captured or took his “bride”. The “groom” would steal the “bride” away from her family and all others for a “moon’s time” which is roughly 30 days.  Hopefully during the thirty days, the bride would conceive a child.  Forcing her family to “consent” to a marriage.

Why all the drama? For one, the groom was usually from another tribe and not likely to be given consented to marry the women.  Kidnapping was a way to force the issue and the thirty days gave the “groom” time to persuade the family.

Why Honeymoon?

During the 30 days of “marriage by capture”, the groom would give his captured “bride” a drink of mead know as metheglin.  Mead is a fermented drink of herbs and honey. This drink made from honey and given to the bride by her groom during a “moons time” gives us the word of honeymoon.

Down through the ages as we have moved from a tribal to a civil society , the honeymoon tradition has given way to a more romantic sentiment.  Now the groom and bride plan a trip away from family and friends. Their honeymoon destination allows them to enjoy their wedded bliss.

While at a wedding Saturday, my husband asked me why the bride stands on the left. Traditionally, you will see the bride stand to the groom’s left during most American & Western wedding ceremonies. My reply was “it’s a tradition.”  Then I stated wondering where this wedding tradition came from so I did a little research on the subject.

History points to the “marriage by capture” era as initial reason for this wedding tradition.  Then the middle ages seem to have played at large part in the solidifying the tradition.  In the early age of civilization, people lived in tribes.  Often the men in these tribes would steal women from the other tribes and force them to marry. The stealing tribesmen would fight off the “bride’s” tribesmen with their right hands whilst holding the “bride” with their left.  In the middle ages a knight wore his sword on his left side to be able to draw it with his right hand.  If he needed to draw his sword during the wedding ceremony, the knight would not want to draw his sword toward his bride but away from her.  Hence, the bride had to be to his left.

Biblically speaking we could attribute it simply to the idea that women and men were separated in the early churches.  The woman sat on the left side of the church and the men on the right. Some say that scripture could be interpreted that the bride should be on the left.

It seems that this wedding tradition has been claimed by many with a variety of reasons.  It may have begun the moment men and women sought a commitment to each and continues on today many, many millions of wedding ceremonies later.

Most brides today carry flowers because they are beautiful and it gives the nervous bride something to do with her hands. However, the carrying of flowers goes back as far as the beginning of marriage.  Rooted in superstition, it was thought bridal bouquets consisting of odoriferous herbs and garlands worn or carried would ward off demons and evil spirits. Variations of this superstition are found in many cultures throughout the world.

In India the bride and groom are sprinkled with flower petals to ward of evil. It is said that a Roman bride carried herbs such as rosemary in her veil to ward off evil spirits. In fact, the modern tradition of carrying flowers and herbs in the bridal bouquet stems from this Roman practice. With many cultures sharing their wedding traditions over the centuries, the primitive superstition of smelly garlands went by the wayside. Brides began to use flowers as a way to symbolize emotion, virtue of love and marriage transforming the tradition.

Flowers such as roses became symbols of love for western weddings. Herbs and flowers were mixed together as a symbolic gesture. Over the years, wedding traditions have been manipulated blending old tradition with contemporary ideals. Old Greek wedding traditions used ivy and ribbons; weaving them into crowns for the bride and groom to symbolize unity. This tradition of greenery and ribbons has been incorporated in many modern wedding bouquets. In fact, it is commonplace to see bridal bouquets with greenery and ribbons intertwined in the flowers.

Although wedding flowers are a long standing tradition, the use flowers has become more of a tradition of elegance than one of warding off demons. Thankfully the tradition changed and flowers are now used to decorate the wedding. The bride can now carry a bouquet for beauty and not as protection from evil spirits.

Ask The Celebration Advisor: Hi: Regarding Party Favors at a reception only event.

I have a cousin, who just told the bride, that there is a new trend in party favors.  In lieu of giving out party favors, the couple “donate to their favorite charity”

I am questioning this, because, first and foremost, this relative is NOT a wedding planner, nor does she have any background in weddings other then being a “guest.”

I desperately need your advice, because the bride is from another country and has selected this “relative” to be her “wedding planner”

HELP  Helen from Los Angeles Ca

Many many thanks.

PS:  We are a American-Japanese family.  And I know that most of the relatives will be expecting a “token” favor.

The Celebration Advisor:

Donating to a charity is a very admirable thing to do.  Many couples are choosing to forgo the wedding party favors in lieu of a charitable donation.  While wedding favors are not a requirement, many couples give favors as a way to thank guests for participating in their day.  Many cultures believe the bride and groom must give guests a token of their appreciation.  Therefore the culture of the families involved dictates the proper etiquette concerning wedding favors.  For example, in Mediterranean countries the wedding favors are Jordon almonds which represent the bitter and sweet sides of marriage.

In the Japanese culture wedding guests are thought to bring luck with them for the bride and groom and thus should be given a gift (favor) in return.  I doubt that a charitable donation as a wedding favor would be deemed an appropriate gift in the Japanese culture.

Although it is nice to have family help plan your wedding, knowing the etiquette that governs all parts of the wedding is crucial.  It is essential that you follow proper etiquette so as not to offend any of your guests. That is why professional Los Angeles wedding planners are well versed in several cultures and their wedding traditions and etiquette.  This gives them the ability to incorporate contemporary fads with cultural wedding traditions.

I would highly recommend that your cousin consult a local Los Angeles wedding planner that can work with your family “wedding planner” to combine cultural wedding favors and etiquette with contemporary ideas.

If your cousin really likes the idea of a charitable donation party favor, I would combine it with a bag of candied almonds or chocolates.  This way the bride gets what she wants without offending her guests.

Having guests sign a guest book upon arriving at your ceremony or reception is a traditional way of recording who attended your wedding. But even the best tradition deserves some updating. Consider these ideas for a fresh way to record who attends your wedding while making it part of your wedding decorations:

Purchase a picture frame mat and several good quality black ink pens. A 16’ x 20’ mat is a good size and will hold an 11’ x 14’ photograph. Consider using an engagement photo or any photo of the bride and groom. Display the matted photo on an easel with a sign directing guests to sign their names and include a brief note, if they wish. Using the picture mat as a wedding decoration that welcomes your guests and as a guest book is a great way to set the tone for your wedding.

Purchase or make 3’ x 5’ cards on white or colored cardstock. Lay stacks of cards out on a table, along with an empty container that coordinates with your wedding decorations—a basket, a crystal bowl, etc.—along with good quality black ink pens. Have your guest table attendant (or a simple sign) encourage guests to write a brief wish and sign their names to a piece of cardstock. When they finish, they drop the card in the empty container. You can decorate the table along the theme of your wedding for a cohesive wedding decoration. You can arrange these cards in your wedding album as special reminders of those who attended and their well wishes.

Many wedding traditions stem from very old customs, religions or superstitions, while others evolve through necessity. Some are the result of the love we have for something or someone.  A new “old” wedding tradition that is rising in popularity comes from the love we have for our pets.

Who was the first to include a pet in their wedding and when did it happen? We can’t be 100% sure. Most likely it occurred around 2100B.C. in the Bedouins tribes of Egypt who adored their Salukis. A resurgence of this tradition is occurring among contemporary couples all over the world. These couples are choosing to make their furry companions a part of the ceremony.

What is causing the resurgence of this doggie wedding tradition? The rising age of first times brides and grooms seems to be the contributing factor. After all, their pets were their constant companions before the love of their life enter their world.  That’s not to say that younger couples haven’t included pets in their weddings.  There have been weddings with all different types of pets from snakes to ferrets and from dogs to cats. In all cases, you can be certain that a couple who chooses to have a pet in their ceremony does this out of love for their non-human companion.

Of course, dogs are the most common wedding attendees.  They have even been members of the wedding party. Dogs have served as ring bearers, flower carriers, and even the bride or groom’s “dog of honor” or “best” dog.  You can even find tuxedos to fit your pet to carry this tradition to the full extent.

This “old” new tradition is one that is gaining in popularity. So, don’t be surprised if at the next wedding you attend you see a furry friend escorting the Bride to the alter.

Where Did The Tradition Of Tying Shoes To The Bridal Vehicle Come From?

Some people believe the tradition stems from the Egyptians.  It is said that Egyptians once exchanged sandals after exchanging goods. As a result, it is thought that the father would give the groom his daughter’s sandals (bride’s shoes), symbolizing that they were the grooms property now.

Another  idea of shoes and wedding traditions comes from the bible.  In Ruth 4:7 it states that ; Now this was the manner in former time in Israel concerning redeeming and concerning changing, for to confirm all things; a man plucked off his shoe, and gave it to his neighbor: and this was a testimony in Israel.

Both ideas show how shoes can be part of commitment to a contract.  Incorporating shoes into the tradition of weddings seems natural, since wedding vows and ceremonies are contracts of commitments between a bride and groom.  But how did the old tradition turn to shoes being tied to bumpers?

During the Anglo-Saxon years( 5th century), people took to throwing shoes at the bride and groom as a way to wish them luck on their journey, as well as fertility. It could be that maybe, just maybe, someone threw a shoe just a bit to hard and bit to precise. Possibly knocking either the bride or groom out thus resulting in a change of tradition at the next wedding. Instead of throwing shoes, they tied them to the carriage. After all the point of a tradition is merely symbolization. Tied shoes symbolizes the husband and wife being “tied” together (committed to one another) and tying baby shoes to the bumper certainly symbolizes fertility.

We can’t be certain of when the tradition changed; but even in today’s time, you will see many different countries still carrying on the “tying of the shoes” wedding tradition to the couples car.

Ask The Wedding Guide: Where could I purchase what is called a sixpence.  Jackie

Reply:

Jackie,

Today, most brides who want to follow the “something old, something new and a sixpence in your shoe” wedding tradition simply use a penny or another coin as a symbol of the six pence.  I don’t believe six-pence are in current circulation. However, if you have your heart set on a sixpence try one of these places:  coin collectors who deal in British coins , wedding accessory shops who deal in wedding tradition items, wedding supply compaines with wedding tradition items.

India has many beautiful wedding customs. The majority religion of India is Hinduism. The wedding customs and traditions in India stem from their religious and culture back grounds.  In Hindu weddings the bride wears a sari (a wrap style dress) with her hair up usually in a bun style and a veil called a ghunghat.  In India the covering of the bride’s head is mark of respect to the gods as well as the elders.  The groom wears dhoti, which is an un-stitched fabric about seven yards and wraps around his waste where it is tied in knot, along with a shirt.

One of the most commonly known Hindu wedding traditions is mehandi (henna tattoo).  Mehandi is an exotic non-permanent tattooing of intricate patterns that decorate the bride’s hands Read the rest of Indian Wedding Customs -Traditions »

Ask The Wedding Guide: Do our ushers need to wear tuxedos? What about the groom’s father? Also, should the ushers have boutonnieres?  Sue

Reply:

Traditionally ushers were considered the grooms attendants and required to dress in the same formality as the groom.  So if the groom wore a tuxedo, the groomsmen and usher also wore a tuxedo.  Contemporary wedding etiquette has relaxed this tradition for ushers.  It is now acceptable for ushers to Read the rest of What Is The Appropriate Attire For Wedding Ushers? »