The Celebration Advisor: Honestly, it's not a good idea. You won't get scolded by the wedding etiquette gods, but you may burn a few bridges with friends. To prevent any hurt feelings, wedding etiquette dictates that you should avoid this if at all possible. One solution is to find a bigger reception hall in San Jose or near there. Another solution is to narrow the guest list to the 175 most essential people. Since this will definitely hurt feelings, my best advice is to opt for a large reception hall. Otherwise, you'll have a lot of offended people to deal with after the honeymoon and who wants that?

Best Man Duties Prior To The Wedding:

• Help the groom shop for formal wear (tuxedos, shoes, etc)
• Coordinate tux fittings and payments
• Plan the couple's wedding shower and/or bachelor party
• Spread word about couple's registry (the maid of honor also has this duty)
• Offer assistance to the bride and groom with wedding planning tasks
• Arrange travel and lodging for all groomsmen
• Attend rehearsal dinner
• Organize groomsmen on wedding day

Best Man Duties At The Wedding:

• Stand at front next to groom and other groomsmen as procession begins
• Carry bride's wedding ring (or both)
• Escort the maid of honor during the recessional
• Sign marriage license as a witness
• Give the officiant's fee to the officiant

Best Man Duties At The Reception:

• May stand in receiving line (if appropriate)
• Sit at head table next to bride
• Make first toast to the couple, serve as toast master
• Dance with maid of honor during first dance (if wedding party is asked to participate)
• Help direct vendors as needed (Bride and groom will be too busy)
• Help groom give final payments and tips to wedding vendors
• Collect gifts and gift checks brought to the reception (Assist the bridesmaid)

Best Man Duties After The Wedding:

• Return all tuxedos to the rental shop
• Drive newlyweds to their wedding night hotel or airport (if no other transportation is arranged)

The Celebration Advisor: Giving the bride away is an honor usually reserved for the father, but this too has received many amendments as modern brides shift toward personalized weddings and respecting the roles of blended families. For your friend's wedding, it is perfectly acceptable for her father to say "her mother and I do" if the bride wishes. As this is merely personalizing the wedding and honoring a loved one, your friend is not breaking any strict etiquette rules by using "her mother and I do".

There are also other ways that couples are choosing to honor deceased loved ones. Your friend may wish to include something like this as well.

• Set up a memorial table for the deceased loved one that includes a photo and a small card with a sweet poem or a memento
• Have a moment of silence during the ceremony  (usually at the beginning of the ceremony before/directly after the bride is presented)
• Light a candle in the deceased's honor
• Wear something that once belonged to or honors the deceased (such as a necklace, the mother's veil, etc.)
• Have the father-of-the bride present a flower to the couple as he places the bride's hand in the grooms (the flower represents the loved one)

There are also ways to honor a loved one during the wedding reception:

• Ask guests for a charitable contribution in the deceased's name in lieu of wedding gifts
• Include the deceased in a wedding toast, or let the toastmaster know that this would be nice
• Choose the deceased's favorite wedding cake flavor, place a small note beside the cake explaining this
• Cutting a piece of cake in honor of the deceased and either eating it later or presenting it to the surviving spouse

These are all very special and significant ways to honor someone who has passed before the time of the wedding ceremony. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a bride or groom wanting to honor their loved one. Including a small token of affection such as the ones above will help make the day feel "complete" for all who wish the deceased could've been present on the special day.

For more ideas on how to honor loved ones at your wedding, you may be interested in these brief articles:

Eight Unique Ways To Personalize Your Wedding
Honoring Others On Your Wedding Day

Maid of Honor Pre Wedding Duties

• Help bride shop for gown (if she desires)
• Help bride shop for bridesmaids dresses
• Get the word out about the wedding registry, even if listed elsewhere
• Coordinate bridesmaids' dress order, fittings, alterations, payment, and dressing
• Arrange the travel and lodging for the bridesmaids
• Organize bridesmaids on wedding day
• Fix the bride's train before the processional starts
• Attend rehearsal dinner
• Create a wedding day emergency kit (just a reminder!)
• Plan and attend the wedding shower and/or bachelorette party
• Help with wedding planning tasks (a girl needs all the hands she can get!)

Maid of Honor Duties During The Ceremony:

• Walk down the aisle during the processional
• Adjust bride's train once she reaches the altar
• Hold the bridal bouquet while the bride and groom exchange vows
• Carry the groom's wedding ring
• Sign marriage license as a witness
• Walk in the recessional with the best man
• Organize programs, tossing petals, etc.

Maid of Honor Duties During The Reception:

• Stand in receiving line (if appropriate)
• Help bride bustle her gown
• Sit at head table next to groom (if wedding party is seated at head table)
• Prepare and present a toast to the couple
• Dance with best man during first dance (if the wedding party is asked to participate)
• Help direct vendors as needed (the bride shouldn't have to worry with this on her big day)

Maid of Honor Duties After The Wedding:

• Take the bride's wedding dress to the dry cleaner
• Help organize gifts and gift checks brought to the reception
• Help oversee wrap-up after wedding reception (if needed)

Pre-Wedding Bridesmaids Duties:

• May assist in shopping for dress
• Attend at least one bridesmaid dress shopping event (unless an out-of-town attendant)
• Get fittings and alterations as needed
• Help with wedding planning errands
• Help plan wedding shower and/or bachelorette party
• Attend the parties!

Bridesmaids Duties At The Ceremony:

• Walk in the processional (might be with groomsman)
• Stand at the altar or stage throughout the ceremony
• Walk with a groomsman in the recessional
• Help bride dress and prepare for the wedding

Bridesmaids Duties At The Reception:

• Might be announced at the reception
• Sit at head table (if reserved)
• Take part in first dance (if wedding party is asked to participate)

Now you're just a few short steps away from being the best bridesmaid in history! Simply help your friend shine on her wedding day and you're both off to a good start!

The Celebration Advisor: Suzanne, this is (as you know) a rather interesting situation. In Christian ceremonies (different for Judaic), grandparents tend to be seated just before the processional begins. To ease the bride's concern, here are "proper" wedding etiquette options for seating her grandfather.

**Since the bride's grandmother will not be ushered by her husband, it is perfectly acceptable to have the single grandfather follow the others down the aisle. This will typically be the most acceptable and best regarded option.

**If the bride's grandmother and grandfather were to walk together, the bride should ask someone to usher her single grandfather. This could be a female family member not in the wedding party (an aunt, a close cousin, etc.). It should never be a member of the wedding party as this would cause them to have "double duty". Her grandfather may request to walk alone but the option should be provided just in case.

**Though it is less traditional to have a man walk first, you could seat the single grandfather first if he is the father of the mother of the bride. The matriarchal lineage dictates the order of the wedding processional, especially seating grandparents and stepparents. Even if his wife has passed, her grandfather may be seated before the set of grandparents. Again, this is a less traditional processional and should only be used if the grandfather or the bride is sensitive to having him walk alone.

Knowing who will be your wedding attendants is just as important. When filling out a seating chart for the wedding reception, it is important to know how many bridesmaids and groomsmen will be placed at the head table with the bride and groom. Also, there are so many responsibilities of wedding attendants that being able to delegate these to trusted friends is something every bride needs. For a stress free wedding day, here is a helpful worksheet/wedding checklist that will keep things running smoothly! (Remember though:  this needs to be done early in the wedding planning process!)

Total Guests: __________

Who's Inviting How Many:

Bride and Groom:  ___________

Groom's Parents:   ___________

Bride's Parents:     ___________

Already Included:  ___________  (Ex:  Officiant and Wife)

My Wedding Attendants: (Indicate Names On Lines)

[] Maid of Honor:  _______________________________________________

[] Bridesmaids:  (# _____ )    ______________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

[] Best Man:   ___________________________________________________

[] Groomsmen:  (# _____ )    ______________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

[] Additional Ushers  (# _____ )   __________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

[] Ring Bearer:   _________________________________________________

[] Flower Girl:    _________________________________________________

[] Readers/Performers:  __________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

[] Other Assistants (Chuppah holders, guestbook attendant, et al):

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

The Celebration Advisor: Rosemarie, great question! Modern weddings are seeing a lot of similar occurences so wedding etiquette has adjusted to fit the changing family. In the situation you are discussing, it is perfectly acceptable to find alternate options for who will give the bride away. If you are unhappy with your daughter's choice, perhaps you could discuss options like these with her:

An important female figure in her life — More and more we are seeing mothers, grandmothers and important female figures give the bride away. This is especially common when issues with the fathers arise. Regardless of the issue with the father, it is entirely acceptable according to modern wedding etiquette for the mother or important woman to give the bride away.

An important male figure in her life — He doesn't have to be a father but he can be a father figure. The mother's brother, a brother, the father's brother (if the mother has none and the father is deceased), a very close employer, a best friend and other men are fine. Though her brother-in-law could fit into this category, it is still possible to address other options with your daughter.

Give herself away (walk alone) — You've seen it in movies. It may not be ideal but having your daughter walk alone is also an acceptable solution. She may not have someone to lean on but she gets to be the complete center of attention. This is usually reserved for when no better option is available like the ones above or if both parents are deceased. In special circumstances such as yours, having the bride give herself away is not a bad option.

There is one thing that wedding etiquette makes no exceptions for when it comes to giving the bride away. The person who gives the bride away should not be a groomsman or usher. They should fill no other role in the wedding party. It is not proper etiquette (or very fair) to ask this person to do "double duty" during the wedding. Even if they would agree, it's a definite Don't.

I hope you and your daughter find an acceptable solution and are able to enjoy the wedding. What a wonderful time in her life! Best of luck and congratulations to you both.

Whether you're saying 'I do' in your living room, or you're having a backyard wedding, at-home weddings are a challenge. A couple of weeks before our at-home wedding, our neighbor placed a big, honking boatlift on his beach. This wasn't any old boatlift. It was a rickety, rusty eyesore.

Outdoor Wedding Ceremony

I envisioned my guests mingling on the spotless deck, cocktails in hand, a soft breeze from Lake Erie cooling their sun-exposed skin. I pictured sailboats in the distance, a beach free of garbage and smelly dead things and an unobstructed view of Fermi II (that's the nuclear power plant across the lake). I did not forsee a rusty, contraption of a boatlift to be part of the picture.

So, I traipsed on over to my neighbor's house and told him we were getting married and we were having an at-home wedding. And by the way, can you move your boatlift, because it won't look nice in my wedding photos? (The nerve of me!)

Our wedding day came and went, and the boatlift didn't budge. And you know what? It didn't matter. Not a single bit. I did not harbor bad feelings towards my neighbor, and he did not hold my temporary lapse of reason against me. In fact, the day before our wedding, he offered us the use of a wooden platform that we ended up using it as a stage for the Irish band!

Looking back, I can't believe that I was so petty. But that's what planning a wedding can do to you. Even a small wedding. It can make you crazy. Unrecognizable. The evil twin sister you didn't know you had can suddenly rear her ugly head. Heck, there are even TV shows about this kind of thing.

Wooden Bridge & Wedding Flowers

Not only will you be running around like a hen with her head missing trying to cross off the zillion things on your to-do list, you'll also want to make sure your home is extra-tidy, extra-lovely, extra-special for your extra-important big day. And that will take Effort. (Note the capital 'E' for emphasis.)

One of the first things Darin and I did when we decided to have a backyard wedding was head out to a local nursery to load up on flowers, and other bedding plants. In fact, we spent the entire spring and summer landscaping our property, which included planting dozens of flats of impatiens, as well as an assortment of perennials.

Through it all, I discovered a new passion – gardening, and I lost weight without even trying! (Hauling wheelbarrows full of earth day after day will get you in shape pretty fast!)I also discovered that impatiens and a scorching hot summer climate make for a very LARGE water bill.

Garden Pew Markers For Outdoor Wedding

Of course, not all couples planning an at-home wedding spend months fixing up their place. Some people don't lift a finger on home improvements. If that's the case, planning can be a whole lot easier.

However, there are still things to keep in mind if you are planning an at-home wedding.

1. Toilets. It's probably the least romantic thing about your wedding, but it's probably one of the most important. No matter where you decide to have your wedding, you're going to need at least one. If you are having your wedding at home, you might decide that guests can use the washrooms in your home. But after giving it some serious thought, you might change your mind. If you are having an outdoor wedding, do you really want your guests traipsing in and out of your home? Can your plumbing system take the wear and tear? Is it possible that your septic system will be overstressed, causing a plumbing nightmare on the biggest day of your life? (Ever see Meet the Parents?) After doing some research, we discovered that port-a-johns definitely aren't what they used to be. There are new user-friendly models in a variety of colors. Not only are they more pleasing to the eye, they have sinks and flush toilets. Even though they are more expensive, they were definitely worth the splurge.

2. Neighbors. Warn them in advance and give them a heads up closer to the big day. They might even offer up their driveways for parking – or a portable stage! Be extra kind to them as you get close to your wedding day, so that they will put up with potentially high noise levels from your happy wedding guests.

3. Invite your caterer over before the big day so s/he can scope out your kitchen. S/he'll need to know how much space there is to work in – as well as fridge and stove details.

4. If you are doing the outdoor thing, rent a tent. That is, unless you have a huge tolerance for risk. (Which I do not.)

5. Hire a cleaning person to clean your home thoroughly prior to your wedding – not to mention after your big day. Unless of course, you have a lovely friend or relative who has kindly offered to take on this task.

6. Have bug spray handy. Citronella candles might provide ambiance, but they are useless when it comes to fending off hungry 'mossies'.

7. If your guests like to over-imbibe, be prepared: some might want to crash at your house. We had a pretty tame crowd at our wedding, but like any good party, there's a chance this will happen at your wedding. If you're not equipped for sleepovers, be smart and call a cab.

8. Enjoy the journey. Easy for me to say – I got married eight years ago. But, really, try not to sweat the small stuff – like boatlifts.

9. Give yourself a pat on the back for pulling it off. Planning a wedding at home is no small feat, but it's one of the most rewarding things you will accomplish. Raise a glass to yourself – (and to your neighbor) for a job well done!

Christina Friedrichsen is the author of Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style and owner of IntimateWeddings.com, a website dedicated to small weddings.

A special thanks to:

Photography by memoriesINtime, a Milan MO photographer, for the beautiful photo of a wedding ceremony in front of a lake.

Hollyhock Flowers, a Weare NH florist, who create the fabulous flowers decorating the wooden bridge in the second photo.

Petals-a-Florist, an Atlanta GA florist, who designed the sensational pew markers in the third photo.

The Celebration Advisor: Marcie, great question! The order of the processional can be tricky, as can be balancing blended families, so it's very important to make sure that no toes are stepped on. Thankfully, wedding etiquette is constantly evolving to represent the shift from nuclear to blended families. In your situation, the order of the processional isn't as tricky as you might have thought.

Typically, it is polite to seat immediate family members as they arrive to the ceremony. This includes grandparents. In this way, there are no toes to step on with grandparents. (For seating advice, see Wedding Ceremony:  Seating For Divorced Parents and Grandparents.)

With parents, the order of the processional is pretty similar. The host (usually the mother of the bride) is seated last. This is to represent that all of her guests have been seated first. This is true even if the bride and groom are hosting the wedding. So, the order would be groom's stepmother (escorted by groom's father or an usher), groom's mother (escorted by new spouse or usher), bride's stepmother (escorted by an usher), and finally the bride's mother (escorted by her new spouse or an usher). Even brides estranged from their mothers follow this order but alter the seating arrangements.

The bride's stepmother is seated by an usher because her husband (the bride's father) is busy preparing to walk the bride down the aisle. He will join his new wife when seated, however, typically in the second pew on the left.

Wedding processionals, seating, and hostess duties tend to favor the bride, the maternal side of her family, and the maternal side of the groom's family after that. Therefore, the order of the processional (if all family members remain amicable) is as mentioned:  groom's stepmother, groom's mother, bride's stepmother, bride's mother.

Thanks so much for your question Marcie!