Is An At-Home Wedding for You?

Whether you’re saying ‘I do’ in your living room, or you’re having a backyard wedding, at-home weddings are a challenge. A couple of weeks before our at-home wedding, our neighbor placed a big, honking boatlift on his beach. This wasn’t any old boatlift. It was a rickety, rusty eyesore.

I wouldn’t have cared. Honest. It’s just that my husband-to-be and I spent months getting our lakefront home ready for our backyard wedding. This involved adding flowerbeds, planting a truckload of ever-thirsty impatiens (more on those later), power washing, and even painting.

I envisioned my guests mingling on the spotless deck, cocktails in hand, a soft breeze from Lake Erie cooling their sun-exposed skin. I pictured sailboats in the distance, a beach free of garbage and smelly dead things and an unobstructed view of Fermi II (that’s the nuclear power plant across the lake). I did not forsee a rusty, contraption of a boatlift to be part of the picture.

So, I traipsed on over to my neighbor’s house and told him we were getting married and we were having an at-home wedding. And by the way, can you move your boatlift, because it won’t look nice in my wedding photos? (The nerve of me!)

Our wedding day came and went, and the boatlift didn’t budge. And you know what? It didn’t matter. Not a single bit. I did not harbor bad feelings towards my neighbor, and he did not hold my temporary lapse of reason against me. In fact, the day before our wedding, he offered us the use of a wooden platform that we ended up using it as a stage for the Irish band!

Looking back, I can’t believe that I was so petty. But that’s what planning a wedding can do to you. Even a small wedding. It can make you crazy. Unrecognizable. The evil twin sister you didn’t know you had can suddenly rear her ugly head. Heck, there are even TV shows about this kind of thing.

And having an at-home wedding can intensify the symptoms -especially if you are a perfectionist. There are so many extra details involved with planning an at-home wedding that it can be overwhelming for anyone - but especially those who have a penchant for perfection.

Not only will you be running around like a hen with her head missing trying to cross off the zillion things on your to-do list, you’ll also want to make sure your home is extra-tidy, extra-lovely, extra-special for your extra-important big day. And that will take Effort. (Note the capital ‘E’ for emphasis.)

One of the first things Darin and I did when we decided to have a backyard wedding was head out to a local nursery to load up on flowers, and other bedding plants. In fact, we spent the entire spring and summer landscaping our property, which included planting dozens of flats of impatiens, as well as an assortment of perennials.

Through it all, I discovered a new passion - gardening, and I lost weight without even trying! (Hauling wheelbarrows full of earth day after day will get you in shape pretty fast!)I also discovered that impatiens and a scorching hot summer climate make for a very LARGE water bill.

Even though we were having our at-home wedding outdoors, Darin and I decided not only to landscape the yard - but also fix up our house before the wedding. This included stripping wallpaper, painting, stripping more wallpaper, and did I mention stripping wallpaper? We had plenty of help from family, but Darin and I truly busted our behinds trying to get things in order.

Of course, not all couples planning an at-home wedding spend months fixing up their place. Some people don’t lift a finger on home improvements. If that’s the case, planning can be a whole lot easier.

However, there are still things to keep in mind if you are planning an at-home wedding.

1. Toilets. It’s probably the least romantic thing about your wedding, but it’s probably one of the most important. No matter where you decide to have your wedding, you’re going to need at least one. If you are having your wedding at home, you might decide that guests can use the washrooms in your home. But after giving it some serious thought, you might change your mind. If you are having an outdoor wedding, do you really want your guests traipsing in and out of your home? Can your plumbing system take the wear and tear? Is it possible that your septic system will be overstressed, causing a plumbing nightmare on the biggest day of your life? (Ever see Meet the Parents?) After doing some research, we discovered that port-a-johns definitely aren’t what they used to be. There are new user-friendly models in a variety of colors. Not only are they more pleasing to the eye, they have sinks and flush toilets. Even though they are more expensive, they were definitely worth the splurge.

2. Neighbors. Warn them in advance and give them a heads up closer to the big day. They might even offer up their driveways for parking - or a portable stage! Be extra kind to them as you get close to your wedding day, so that they will put up with potentially high noise levels from your happy wedding guests.

3. Invite your caterer over before the big day so s/he can scope out your kitchen. S/he’ll need to know how much space there is to work in - as well as fridge and stove details.

4. If you are doing the outdoor thing, rent a tent. That is, unless you have a huge tolerance for risk. (Which I do not.)

5. Hire a cleaning person to clean your home thoroughly prior to your wedding - not to mention after your big day. Unless of course, you have a lovely friend or relative who has kindly offered to take on this task.

6. Have bug spray handy. Citronella candles might provide ambiance, but they are useless when it comes to fending off hungry ‘mossies’.

7. If your guests like to over-imbibe, be prepared: some might want to crash at your house. We had a pretty tame crowd at our wedding, but like any good party, there’s a chance this will happen at your wedding. If you’re not equipped for sleepovers, be smart and call a cab.

8. Enjoy the journey. Easy for me to say - I got married eight years ago. But, really, try not to sweat the small stuff - like boatlifts.

9. Give yourself a pat on the back for pulling it off. Planning a wedding at home is no small feat, but it’s one of the most rewarding things you will accomplish. Raise a glass to yourself - (and to your neighbor) for a job well done!

Christina Friedrichsen is the author of Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style and owner of IntimateWeddings.com, a website dedicated to small weddings.

A special thanks to:

Photography by memoriesINtime, a Milan MO photographer, for the beautiful photo of a wedding ceremony in front of a lake.

Hollyhock Flowers, a Weare NH florist, who create the fabulous flowers decorating the wooden bridge in the second photo.

Petals-a-Florist, an Atlanta GA florist, who designed the sensational pew markers in the third photo.

Did you know that the average wedding costs over $23,000? While there is no shame in spending more or less than this, the averaged wedding costs can still add up quickly. Most brides overshoot their wedding budget goals by as much as 15%! To avoid breaking the bank with your wedding planning, here are some budget-friendly tips for brides-to-be!

Wedding Budget Tip 1:  Avoid The Busy Season

The majority of weddings occur between May and October. In fact, October is the new June. Late fall weddings and winter weddings are beautiful and allow brides to reduce costs by catching vendors and wedding supplies when they’re not in great demand!

Also, consider marrying on a Friday or throughout the week. Marrying on a weekday may be less traditional, but it’s a fun and unique way to make your ceremony special (and save money!). Weekend weddings are great but reception halls charge the most for Saturday evening weddings. By marrying on a Friday, you’ll be able to save on the reception costs, enjoy great options for the ceremony location, and spend a three day weekend with your groom!

Wedding Budget Tip 2:  Pass Up The Dessert Tray

Wedding cakes are a huge reception expense. Since this is the most important piece at the reception, no bride wants to cut it out completely. Instead, opt for a smaller wedding cake. Also consider a cupcake wedding cake. This tasty trend allows guests to enjoy a small portion of the same great flavor. The biggest treat for you? Cupcake cakes usually run about $60 compared to hundreds for a traditional wedding cake.

If a smaller version of your dream cake won’t feed everyone, consider having a sheet cake of the same flavor along with your wedding cake. An evening of dancing, drinks and good food doesn’t leave much room for dessert. Consider passing up extra dessert options which quickly add up (on the hips as well)!

Wedding Budget Tip 3:  Go Green With The Wedding Flowers

Opt for more greenery in the reception arrangements. Most guests won’t know which flowers are in or out of season so trim the cost of your wedding flowers by using more greenery. The wedding ceremony flowers are a beautiful addition to the ceremony but remember that this is where guests spend the least amount of time. Most spend more time at the reception so consider putting the budget emphasis on your wedding reception flowers instead.

Wedding Budget Tip 4: Go Green With The Wedding Invitations

In the age of technology and conservation, eco-friendly wedding invitations are a big perk. If you want to send standard wedding invitations, consider replacing the RSVP cards with a note on the invitation that asks guests to RSVP at your wedding website. Wedding websites will save a ton on less important wedding stationery. (Oh, and invitation liners are unnecessary. You’re breaking no etiquette by opting out on these.)

Wedding Budget Tip 5:  Double Up With Wedding Favors

Wedding favors are a must-have for most brides according to traditional wedding etiquette. Wedding favors can be practical and functional though! Consider favors that double as place cards or serve a purpose after the wedding. Personalized bottles of bubbles serves as wedding favors and can be used instead of tossing rice or bird seed after the ceremony.

Wedding Budget Tip 6:  Opt For A Cocktail Reception

This is a good way to glam up your reception without spending lots of money on food and decorations. Waiters carrying trays of hor d’oeuvres is a glamorous look and a frugal choice for brides. Many wedding caterers have their own wait staff, so consider hiring a local caterer with wait staff for a glamorous but easy-on-the-wallet reception.

Wedding Budget Tip 7:  Buy The Music, Not The Band

A band at the wedding is always fun, but consider a single musician or a dj instead. Going this route with wedding reception entertainment will save costs simply because you’re paying for one person instead of multiple people.

Wedding Budget Tip 8:  Share The Menus

Instead of giving each guest a menu at the reception, opt for one or two per table. These can look elegant when placed between beautiful table settings or when stood on either side of the table’s centerpice. This saves paper and printing costs plus adds to the decor of the table.

I know destination weddings are a big trend these days, but with the economy in the shape it’s in, it may not be affordable to have your wedding in a tropical location. So, I was thinking: why not stay at home and create your own destination wedding? With enough creativity and helpful wedding vendors, you could “design” your own tropical wedding without actually going there.

Whether it’s Hawaii, Jamaica, or the Bahamas, you could create the feel of a tropical paradise for your wedding day. For a more casual fell wear the same strapless wedding gown you would wear on the beach and let your groom wear an easy, open collar shirt and lightweight slacks. Even go barefoot for a beach-y feel.

Your wedding decorations could be large tropical plants and flower arrangements with birds of paradise, orchids, any flower you would find in a tropical locale. If a Hawaiian wedding is your dream, you could wear leis instead of carrying bouquets and wearing boutonnieres. Instead of traditional candelabras, use candles covered by glass lanterns or hurricane lamps. I think you could really come up with some great ways to decorate for your wedding using this idea, and save a lot of money, too.

Carry the tropical destination wedding theme over into your wedding reception.  Have your caterer serving tropical fruit platters, pulled pork, Hawaiian Chicken with rice, and pina coladas. Who says you have to spend a small fortune to get married on an island when you can create your own paradise right at home?

A special thanks goes to:

Blue Pagoda & Evolution Orchids LLC, an Englewood FL wedding bouquet florist, for their lovely Cymbidium orchid bouquet picture.

Ann’s Bridal & Etcetera, a wedding caterer from Searcy AR, for their scrumptious looking fruit platter photo.

Ask The Celebration Advisor: I need to know who can make me a Halloween wedding cake, as well as favors and Ideas, and decoratons for my wedding. Most particularly the cake. for 200ppl? and a price in Calgary. Thank you. ~ Carmen Turning Robe, Calgary Alberta Canada

Celebration Advisor: Of course you can find all of that and other great wedding supplies in Calgary AB!

In fact, I know of a few places where you can find theme cakes, wedding cakes and (imagine this) theme wedding cakes in Calgary. For starters, try Cake Creations. They’re incredible! Their wedding cakes are elegant regardless of the theme. All you have to do is ask! Theme cakes as well as wedding cakes come in all shapes and sizes so be specific about what you want. Just let your wedding cake bakery know the size, general theme, and amount of people eating the cake and you’re good to go!

As far as wedding favors and ideas go, that’s greatly dependent upon the type of ceremony that you are having. It sounds like you’re having a really fun Halloween wedding–congrats! That sounds like so much fun! I would start by speaking with the professionals at Claudia’s Mementos. Though not located in Calgary, wedding favors from here are bound to be awesome. They always do an incredible job of hooking you up with the wedding favors that YOU want.

If you want a cool idea to start with for your wedding favors, try this one that my friend is using at her Halloween wedding this year. Our wedding favors are placeholders which are going to be little skulls, monsters, and ghosts with our names written on their heads. It took her a long time to choose those over chocolate cupcakes with vanilla icing decorated like webbing and our names written in red icing over that. Somehow I knew she’d go with the haunted cemetery wedding favors instead! *grin* I’m sure these will taste great with the wedding cake. Have guests bring a sweet tooth!

Wedding decorations aren’t quite as tricky. The only thing you really need to figure out is whether you want this to be more like a Halloween wedding or a Halloween party. If you’re wanting the more upscale, ask a local Calgary wedding planner to help you come up with something that will celebrate the holiday and the occasion at the same time. If you want more of a party atmosphere, go all out with black tablecloths, creepy decorative lighting, blood-colored punch and other party foods, jack-o-lanterns and other spooky decorations. It just takes a little imagination! If you want some ideas, check out these great Halloween party pictures.

Together, your choices of wedding cakes, wedding favors, and wedding decorations is immense when you use the local  wedding suppliers that you have right there in Calgary!

Thanks for your question Carmen. I look forward to seeing the pictures of your wedding!

It’s about that time to throw a bachelorette party. All of your girls are lining up dates and times so that you can enjoy a fun night together. This is one of the most fun occasions before the wedding. It is also one of the most memorable.

A really good way to celebrate the chicas in your life is to give them gifts at the bachelorette party. If you want that night to be all about you, consider throwing a bridesmaids party. Not only does this say “thank you” for all the times that they’ve stuck by you, it gives you a chance to remind them that you’ll always be there for them also.

Need some gift ideas for the ladies in your life? Consider the type of woman that she is. This will help tremendously when purchasing bridesmaids gifts. Here are some examples:

The Night Owl: Rarely in bed early, loves going out, seems to watch a lot of infomercials.

Something flashy is probably a safe bet for this woman. A set of colorful cosmetics makes the clubbing makeup more fun. This may be your bridesmaid who is very sedate but likes staying up late at night. If this is the case, try something fun like her favorite movie that no one will watch with her. This time, opt in for the popcorn and film noir.

The Working Mom: Bounces between children and career, the ultimate soccer mom.

A bath set of to calm and relax this busy lady will be appreciated more than words can express. There isn’t much left for self after a long day of juggling children, work and husband. Give this mom a reason to put the kids in bed early by giving her a bath kit complete with luxurious bath oils, a loofah, balt salts and perhaps a CD of calming music.

The Girly Girl: Loves shopping, beauty, and is often particular about appearance.

This is the girl for whom manicures and pedicures were invented. Why stray from the tried and true? A girls-day-out at the beauty salon would do this woman’s heart good. Join her for a fun getaway after the married life begins. Also consider jewelry or a cute purse that she can carry during the wedding. If your favorite ladies are carrying bridesmaids purses instead of bouquets, give hers some extra attention. This is especially beneficial if she’s the maid or matron of honor.

The Contemporary: She would make the perfect city girl, if she isn’t already.

The contemporary bridesmaid is familiar with modern styles of decor, fashion, art, cooking and similar things. Technology serves this woman well. She probably has a pda and other gadgets so go one step further with a new mp3 player, digital camera, or earrings that match the color of the ear buds that she rarely removes.

This is the woman that would also benefit from a home decor piece such as bookends, unique candles and candleholders. If this seems like a boring gift, try something like tickets to the theater or the opening of an art show. A very special treat is if you make plans to spend this evening with her.

The Intellectual: Spends time reading, seems to know a little bit about everything.

Go a little bit more in depth than books on tape for this bridesmaid. Gifts for the intellectual bridesmaid should reflect her love of learning and culture. Consider a bottle of wine and a set of barware accessories. If she’s not a drinker consider a book with a compilation of photographs by a talented digital photographer such as Margaret Bourke-White. MP3 players and techy gizmos are also perfect for this woman.

Every week I read several wedding blogs, look at several wedding pictures and discuss a multitude of wedding ideas with anyone willing to talk to me. This week I came upon two unique wedding decoration ideas. Both of these decorations involved wedding flowers.

I love flowers, especially unique wedding flowers that give you a glimpse into the personality of the bride. I think that is why these two approaches caught my interest. The first came from a discussion I had with Scott Darhower, a florist from Tampa Florida (he owns Apple Blossoms Floral Design). Scott and I were discussing creative container ideas for floral arrangements when he mentioned vintage glass containers.

Wedding Flowers Using Decor From Past Generations
Not long ago, he created some lovely flower arrangements for one of his brides. Scott really pays attention to the personalities of the brides he works with. This bride was particularly fond of the her grandmother’s antique china. In fact, she uses it often when entertaining.

So when time came for Scott to design floral arrangements for her cocktail reception, he knew exactly what the bride needed. He and the bride canvassed second-hand stores and flea markets until they found a few vintage glass pieces.

Scott then created soft romantic flower arrangements using the vintage glass and an array of creamy white flowers. Later the bride displayed these vintage glass pieces in her china cabinet along side her grandmothers antique china. What a fabulous idea! Using vintage or sentimental containers as part of your wedding flower decorations is a fantastic way to honor the romance of the past generations. The best part is you will forever have an elegant wedding keepsake.

***Just a little hint for grooms - take a piece of the vintage glass used in your wedding to your florist before your anniversary. Have the florist recreate your wedding flowers and deliver it to your wife.***

Pictures And Perfect Wedding Flowers

The second cool wedding flower decoration involved photos. No, not picture taking. Rather a display of pictures of the bride and groom. This awesome wedding decoration came from Markita Brewster, a Fort Campbell KY wedding consultant. She owns Beautiful Weddings On a Budget. At the wedding reception of one of her brides, the wedding flowers were arranged in a photo cube.

What a clever idea! The Casablanca lilies gave the photo cubes an elegant look and the photos were a great way for guests to recall memories of the bride and groom. You could even include pictures of the guests with the bride or groom and place them on the table where they will be seated. This is also a creative way to have a unique flower arrangement and still stay within your budget.

Now that I’ve shared my unique wedding flower decoration ideas, I hope you will share yours. I can’t wait to see them.

Wedding receptions typically end with the bride and groom leaving under a shower of rice, birdseed or bubbles. But why not do something over-the-top that you and your guests will never forget? Imagine the feeling of running hand-in-hand with your new husband through hundreds or thousands of butterflies in flight. Imagine the delight of your guests as they watch them rise in the air and flutter all around.

While a butterfly release may be a little more costly than birdseed or bubbles, the impact is definitely bigger and unforgettable. Keep the butterfly release a surprise—even from your bridal party—and watch the surprised looks on their faces as the surprise unfolds. You could even “tease” your guests by using the symbolic butterfly on your wedding program, invitations, wedding cake, and reception flowers as a hint of what is to come.

Many brides and grooms put so much focus on their entrances to the ceremony and reception, but spend little effort thinking about their exit from the reception. A butterfly release is a surprising way to leave you and your guests feeling uplifted, encouraged and hopeful about the future. As a butterfly in flight symbolizes new beginnings, so do weddings and this is a great way to add an exclamation point to your wedding day.

I love outdoor weddings. There’s just something about the natural beauty of the greenery that makes them so fabulous. Outdoor wedding reception decorations and table centerpieces can be somewhat tricky though, because you don’t want to take away from the natural scenery. The new overall wedding decoration idea trend is “earthy glamorous” and this theme is even more beautiful outdoors.

This can be done using twigs, leaves, containers of grass, and several other resources. Table decorations and centerpiece options are endless with this theme. Long low containers of grass with a Read the rest of Take Advantage of Natural Beauty… Outdoor Wedding Table Decorations »

I had never heard of these, but they were brought to my attention while planning my wedding and I fell in love with this wedding decoration idea. Aisle runners are usually pretty standard and most brides usually rent one from a wedding supply vendor; which is perfectly fine. However, I wanted something more personalized … more unique. Little did I know you can have custom aisle runners made!

When you have a custom aisle runner made, you have so many options in creating making the runner Read the rest of Make it Personal with a Custom Aisle Runner »

Looking for a unique way to personalize your wedding ceremony? Think about using sand in your wedding. A sand wedding ceremony uses two vessels of sand; one for the bride and one for the groom which are poured together into a keepsake container or released into the wind symbolizing the coming together of two separate lives.

This is unique wedding idea is commonly done at beach weddings or outdoor wedding ceremonies. Although I have seen it performed at indoor ceremonies, it seems that the unity candle is preferred Read the rest of Memorable and Unique Wedding Ideas- Sand Wedding Ceremony »