4 Responses to “Wedding Ceremony: Seating Divorced Parents and Grandparents”

1. Jamie Jamison Adams Says:
   October 16th, 2008 at 12:04 pm

   Luvetta,

   Pleasing all members of a blended family while following proper etiquette is a tricky task. The best way to handle this situation is to have it all planned out well before the day of the ceremony.

   You must first understand seating protocol in order to decide how it applies to your situation.

   First – the brides parents always sit in the first pew on the left and the grooms parents in the first pew on the right. Grandparents or special family members in the corresponding second pews. In years past this was sufficient etiquette but with the emergence of blended families more detail is need.

   Second – Processing the grandparents down the aisle has no real basis in etiquette. This is done because the bride or groom wants to not because protocol dictates it.

   Third – The grooms parents are escorted down the aisle first. The usher will escort the groom's mother with his father walking behind them. Then the usher will escort the bride's mother. Then of course the groom's attendants will take their place and then bride's attendants and so forth.

   With all of that said, you must now apply those principles to your blended family needs. The Emily Post's wedding etiquette book outlines several options based on how the families relate to one another.

   However, after reading several other sources this is the option I find the most appealing.

   As guests arrive have the grandparents seated but not processed. When you have several grandparents processing them down the aisle can be time-consuming. Instead, either have them in their seats before guests arrive or seat them as guests arrive. Place all grandparents and step-grandparents in the second and third pews on their respective sides. If you have a particular grandparent whom you are very close to make sure they are seated closer to the aisle. By using two grandparent pews on each side they can chose where they want to sit yet still be in a place of honor. You can also use these pews for special family members.

   As for parents seat them in the first pew. Process the bride's step-mother first where she will sit away from the aisle position. Then process the groom's step-mother with the groom's father(if not a groomsman) following her and the usher away from the aisle position. Then the groom's mother with the usher and step-father following behind. Then the bride's mother escorted by the usher with step-father following behind. The step-father will slide into the pew first followed by the bride's mother who will sit next to the aisle. After the bride's father escorts her down the aisle he will take his place next to his wife (a trick for this is to enter at the opposite end of the pew). This format fulfills the etiquette requirements yet allows for more than one set of parents on each side.

   However, if the parents can not set aside their difference for one day and can not be seated together there is another option. Use the first and second pews to seat the parents during the wedding ceremony and the third and fourth pews for grandparents or other distinguished guests. The proper etiquette would then be to seat the mothers in the first pews and the fathers in the second with their respective spouses. Maternal grandparents are seated before paternal grandparents according to traditional etiquette.

   The main consideration is to place the people whom you feel the closest to nearest to you during the ceremony. So follow the etiquette as closely as you can but it is your day and your preference. However, you need to make your preferences know in advance to all parties involved. This will elevate confusion on the day of the wedding.

   This is where a wedding coordinator can be very useful both will deciding the protocol and implementing it. The wedding planner can make your wishes know while removing you as the bad guy should someone not like the protocol you have chosen.

2. Luvetta Says:
   October 16th, 2008 at 12:28 pm

   This is truly the best answer and it really helps simplify a complicated situation. Thank you so very much.

3. Celebration Advisor - Wedding and Party Network Blog » Order of Wedding Processional With Divorced Parents Says:
   June 9th, 2009 at 4:14 pm

   [...] Typically, it is polite to seat immediate family members as they arrive to the ceremony. This includes grandparents. In this way, there are no toes to step on with grandparents. (For seating advice, see Wedding Ceremony:  Seating For Divorced Parents and Grandparents.) [...]

4. Kim Ziegler Says:
   September 20th, 2009 at 5:55 pm

   Thank you so much for your help. My daughter's fiance's family is divorced and re-married and I didn't have a clue what to do.

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