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Where Do Parents & Grandparents Sit at the Wedding Reception?

Ask the Celebration Advisor: Where do the bride and grooms parents and grandparents sit at the wedding reception?   My daughter is getting married in June.  At my wedding, the parents and grandparents sat at the head table.  My daughter and her future inlaws said they never heard of that. – Becky

The Celebration Advisor:

Hi Becky,
Honestly, both are correct. You can have parents & grandparents sit at the head table or you can give them their own separate table. It's up to you. If you are limited on space at the head table, consider sitting them at their own table close to the head table. Or, if you would like them at your table, seat them there. It's completely up to you and your preferences. Also, this post shares information on reception seating as well. Hope this helps!

If you have a wedding or party question, ask The Celebration Advisor!

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Ask The Celebration Advisor – Unequal Numbers

Ask The Celebration Advisor:

Is it okay to have a different number of bridesmaids and ushers?

– Brittany

The Celebration Advisor:

Of course! It's your wedding day! You shouldn't feel forced to put someone in YOUR wedding just to make everything equal. Don't feel obligated to put anyone in your wedding party that you don't have to, it's your day and you want to share it with people who matter most in your life.

You may have a friend that you've been friends with since you were younger, however, you haven't talked to them in ages. If you want them in your wedding, great! However, if you don't, you are not obligated to put them in there just because you need to make up the difference. Everything will work out with the uneven numbers, don't stress about it. It's your wedding day, do what you want.

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Wedding Etiquette: How Do I Say No Children At The Wedding?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: I have sent wedding invitations for my daughters wedding. They were specifically addressed to only the adults. I have started receiving the RSVP's and people have added children.  How do I let them know it is only for adults?

Thank you
J.

Wedding & Party Celebration Advisor Answer:

I think the best way to handle this is to stand firm in this decision. There is a good reason your daughter's wedding is an adult only wedding. I suggest that you send out another formal notice or contact them however you prefer and say, "Our wedding is for adults only, however, here are a list of babysitters and their contact information" Make sure to research babysitters or find a few in your area that you can give your guests. You may even find a babysitter for your daughter's wedding so guests will be able to drop their children off at a specific place and they'll be close by. I hope this is helpful!

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Where Do Parents Sit During The Wedding Reception?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: Do the brides and brooms parents, grandparents sit at the head table??? What is the proper etiquette for their seating arangements??? Please e-mail ASAP, Please and Thank you!!! ~Dianne

The Celebration Advisor: Wedding reception seating etiquette can be a tricky issue, but it's best to keep in mind the golden rule of head table seating: the head table is reserved for the bride, groom, and wedding party. This includes groomsmen and bridesmaids. While parents and grandparents may have a table reserved for them, it is typically a separate table situated close to the head table.

Here are a few other etiquette tips for wedding reception seating. Hopefully this will clear up many issues that you may have.

Order of Seating at Head Table — Regardless of the shape of the head table, the order of seating always allows for the maid/matron of honor to sit on the groom's left and the best man to sit on the bride's right. Spouses may sit with members of the wedding party if space is available at the head table. If not, spouses (and sometimes children) are seated together at a separate table.

Seating Parents and Grandparents — Parents and grandparents are usually seated at the same table. The bride's parents and grandparents are seated together, often with their children, children's spouses, and grandchildren if space is available. The groom's parents and grandparents are seated at another table, often with their children, children's spouses, and grandchildren if space is available. If space is an issue, families are seated together accordingly (parents and children along with any additional guests of that group).

Seating the Minister — The minister and his or her spouse are generally seated at the table of the bride's parents. Grandparents may also be seated at this table as it is common to seat families together.

Seating Divorced Parents — This one is not as tricky as you would expect. Divorced parents and couples (remarried or not) should not be seated at the same table unless their relationship is exceptionally jovial. All divorced partners and their new spouses are seated as individual families. (i.e. the married couple, their children, their parents, and any additional guests of that group).

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Is This Appropriate Rehearsal Dinner Attire?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: I'm the father of the groom, the wedding will be in formal attire and the rehearsal dinner will be semi-formal. Is it appropriate for me to wear a dinner jacket to the rehearsal dinner? If not, what do you recommend? Thank you for your advise!! ~ FV

The Celebration Advisor: Yes, a dinner jacket is appropriate attire. For a semi-formal rehearsal dinner, consider lightweight fabrics in standard colors such as navy blue, black and charcoal gray. Dinner jackets in these colors conform to most formal and semi-formal standards of rehearsal dinner attire. We're sure you'll look dapper!

Something to consider is the type of pants that you will be wearing. Jeans/denim are NOT appropriate for a semi-formal occasion. Semi-formal rehearsal dinners call for a more formal fabric such as khaki or cotton slacks.

A simple suit would be the best attire for a rehearsal dinner. It doesn't have to be your best suit (save that for the wedding) but it can be the runner up. The rehearsal dinner is where you can don your best khaki colored suit, gray suit, or some other neutral color that you are not likely to wear to a very formal occasion. Stray from tuxedos. They're too ritzy for a semi-formal rehearsal dinner.

You'll look great for certain. If you need help picking out appropriate formal wear, contact a local formal wear shop near you. The experts there will be happy to help you create a smooth and refined look.

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How Do I Ask For Cash Wedding Gifts Instead of Presents?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: How could I eloquently ask for cash gifts and/or store certificatest instead of presents at the wedding? ~ Casey

The Celebration Advisor: Typically, giving cash wedding gifts is a big no-no according to traditional wedding etiquette. However, modern weddings are seeing a huge spike in the request for cash gifts or gift cards instead of presents. Don't stress about cash wedding gift etiquette though! When you're in a pinch and need to find out how to go about asking for cash instead, simply remember these things.

* You will want to make this request where you would have announced your registry. It is also a traditional duty of the maid of honor and best man to spread this information around. Make sure those two parties are aware of your wedding gift suggestion as well.

* You can politely request money without asking for cash outright which would likely offend older guests. Instead, list things like these where you would normally announce your registry:

  • "Bride and groom respectfully request cash gifts in lieu of wedding presents."
  • "Bride and groom respectfully request cash gifts or gift cards to *your favorite 'home' store* in lieu of wedding presents."

You can also substitute your name and your groom's name for "bride and groom" as this will personalize it a bit. Keep in mind though that personalization is great for younger guests but maintaining a more traditional tone will help soften any offense that older guests may have.

* You can announce that you will be having a cash money tree at your wedding/wedding reception instead of wedding gifts. I have been to many weddings that prefer this option because it's fast and easy. Still, guests should be warned in advance.

I hope your wedding goes as smoothly as announcing your cash wedding gift preference. Best of luck!

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How Do I Seat A Single Grandfather At The Wedding?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: I am the Mistress of Ceremonies at an upcoming wedding, and I am having trouble finding the "proper" etiquette for seating a grandfather (grandmother not living).  The bride want's the other grandmother ushered in with her husband following; but in the case where there is just a grandfather and no grandmother, how does that work? Does he just follow the first set of grandparents down the aisle, or what? ~ Suzanne C.

The Celebration Advisor: Suzanne, this is (as you know) a rather interesting situation. In Christian ceremonies (different for Judaic), grandparents tend to be seated just before the processional begins. To ease the bride's concern, here are "proper" wedding etiquette options for seating her grandfather.

**Since the bride's grandmother will not be ushered by her husband, it is perfectly acceptable to have the single grandfather follow the others down the aisle. This will typically be the most acceptable and best regarded option.

**If the bride's grandmother and grandfather were to walk together, the bride should ask someone to usher her single grandfather. This could be a female family member not in the wedding party (an aunt, a close cousin, etc.). It should never be a member of the wedding party as this would cause them to have "double duty". Her grandfather may request to walk alone but the option should be provided just in case.

**Though it is less traditional to have a man walk first, you could seat the single grandfather first if he is the father of the mother of the bride. The matriarchal lineage dictates the order of the wedding processional, especially seating grandparents and stepparents. Even if his wife has passed, her grandfather may be seated before the set of grandparents. Again, this is a less traditional processional and should only be used if the grandfather or the bride is sensitive to having him walk alone.

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Is It Ok To Wear Black To A Wedding?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: Hi, Is it appropriate to wear a nice style black dress (knee length) to a GA wedding. The ceremony & reception are indoors and start at 5:00 p.m. The mother of the groom & her mother shared that they didn't think it was appropriate. I emailed the bride and she indicated that it's absolutely fine & appropriate and that i would probably not be the only one wearing black.

We are from the north (Maine)and I have heard that it's o.k. to wear black, especially if it's in the evening. If the bride is fine, should i worry about what the brides parents might think? My thoughts are that black is in now, but i don't want to offend anyone. I was hoping to get a perspective from the pros. Thanks for any
advice/feedback.~ Sharon

The Celebration Advisor: Wearing black? A woman after my own heart! The answer to your question is a simple one. Wedding attire etiquette is on your side with this one. Yes, it is now acceptable to wear a formal black dress (knee-length or longer) to a wedding. However, traditionally one would stray from black as it is a color reserved for highly formal occasions or funerals.

Though you are well within wedding attire etiquette to wear black, I would consider the mindset of the people at the wedding before making your decision. Southerners are big into the more traditional wedding etiquette and way of doing things. Therefore, the mothers of the couple will not be the only ones judging you based on a black dress. Southerners usually associate dark colors with funerals. Therefore even for an evening wedding it will not be well regarded in the South to wear black wedding attire.

If you are attending a less traditional wedding (which can be assumed since the bride is ok with it), you will be okay to wear black according to wedding attire etiquette. The bride is right that many women wear black to weddings these days so you will not feel alone. Just consider the understood practices of Southerners for this wedding.

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Who Is Giving The Bride Away Now?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: My daughter is getting married.. her father is deceased, adopted father is not coming to the wedding, I am married now, my new husband and I are the one's paying for the wedding.. there is an issue with who is walking my daughter down the isle or giving her away.. on her biological's dads side of the family his oldest brother was to give her away and backed out at the last minute.. I have two son's one of which is a US Marine and is being deployed the youngest son my daughter has issues with because she doesn't like his girlfriend…My daughter announced to me that she is going to have her soon to be brother in law (grooms brother) give her away of course this is not setting too well with me… what advice would you give on this???  ~ Rosemarie

The Celebration Advisor: Rosemarie, great question! Modern weddings are seeing a lot of similar occurences so wedding etiquette has adjusted to fit the changing family. In the situation you are discussing, it is perfectly acceptable to find alternate options for who will give the bride away. If you are unhappy with your daughter's choice, perhaps you could discuss options like these with her:

An important female figure in her life — More and more we are seeing mothers, grandmothers and important female figures give the bride away. This is especially common when issues with the fathers arise. Regardless of the issue with the father, it is entirely acceptable according to modern wedding etiquette for the mother or important woman to give the bride away.

An important male figure in her life — He doesn't have to be a father but he can be a father figure. The mother's brother, a brother, the father's brother (if the mother has none and the father is deceased), a very close employer, a best friend and other men are fine. Though her brother-in-law could fit into this category, it is still possible to address other options with your daughter.

Give herself away (walk alone) — You've seen it in movies. It may not be ideal but having your daughter walk alone is also an acceptable solution. She may not have someone to lean on but she gets to be the complete center of attention. This is usually reserved for when no better option is available like the ones above or if both parents are deceased. In special circumstances such as yours, having the bride give herself away is not a bad option.

There is one thing that wedding etiquette makes no exceptions for when it comes to giving the bride away. The person who gives the bride away should not be a groomsman or usher. They should fill no other role in the wedding party. It is not proper etiquette (or very fair) to ask this person to do "double duty" during the wedding. Even if they would agree, it's a definite Don't.

I hope you and your daughter find an acceptable solution and are able to enjoy the wedding. What a wonderful time in her life! Best of luck and congratulations to you both.

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What's The Etiquette For Inviting Children To My Wedding?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: [I need a ] nice way of saying "no children under 2" at wedding. ~ Karen

The Celebration Advisor: Karen, don't feel like you're stepping on toes by not inviting children to your wedding — or in this case — children of or below a certain age. It's perfectly acceptable! Traditional wedding etiquette provides a few ways to make this clarification known without hurting feelings (theirs or yours!)

First, you can put only the names of the parents on the outer and inner envelope of the wedding invitation. This exclusion of "and family" or the child's name should be understood as "no young children allowed." It is highly inappropriate to put "no children" on the invitations. Some may not be as familiar with wedding invitation etiquette. If you get a call saying "we're bringing our children too", explain the situation at that point.

Though it is not appropriate to state this on the invitation according to traditional wedding etiquette, it is acceptable to include a small note (much like you would include a map with the reception invitation) that briefly explains that there is an age limit for the children in attendance.

If you want the parents of young children to come but don't want their children in the actual ceremony or reception, consider providing guests with the names and numbers of local babysitters. Another option is to provide a nursery with babysitters for the duration of the ceremony. If the parents want to attend the reception, they may have to hire a sitter of their own. Depending upon the ceremony location, this can be a agreat alternative that still provides an age limit for the children at your wedding but doesn't put a crimp on your guest list.

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