Ask The Expert: I recently became engaged to a wonderful guy that I’ve been dating for a couple years. My family knows him well, and his knows me. They’ve kind of suspected for a while but aren’t really sure. What is the proper way to go about announcing our engagement and who do I tell first? ~ Sarah
Brynn @ Wedding and Party Network says: What a great question, Sarah! First of all, congratulations are in order so congratulations on your engagement. How cool! Now to the meat and potatoes.
Announcing your engagement to your family is a bit easier than writing up an engagement announcement for your local paper but can often be just as tedious. Who should be told first is asked a lot because no one wants to step on toes. In my family, we all know to tell just one person and it’ll eventually get around to the rest of the family. Assuming yours isn’t this way, let’s talk about what’s traditional.
There really is no set way to announce the engagement to friends and family. Many people prefer intimate get-togethers while some prefer to tell each person individually. In this day and age, a phone call works for close friends while texting or a Myspace message will suffice for the rest. Still, it is important to know the proper protocol for such a major event.
The bride’s parents should be the first to know and in person if possible. A phone call is great but face-to-face is always better. Plus, you’ll get to see their reactions. That’s half of the fun! If you just can’t wait (and I know I couldn’t), a phone call will work.
You say that your fiance has met your parents? Excellent. Traditionally, the bride’s parents should meet the fiance prior to the engagement announcement. This spares feelings and a little bit of shock on the parents end. It also gives you an opportunity for feedback that can help you in preparing for a lifetime with your beau. It is no longer standard for your sweetheart to ask permission from your father, but who doesn’t love this showing of respect? In the same way, letting your parents meet him first is a modern spin on a very traditional custom and has the same rewards.
Next in line are the groom’s parents. Again, a face-to-face conversation is best but distance often divides families who prefer to stay in touch via telephone. In this case, a phone call will suffice. This is another instance where it is best if the groom’s parents have been introduced to the bride prior to announcing an engagement. Just a heads up!
Emails are a no-no! Distant acquaintances may check your Facebook status and find an announcement. That’s fine. However, close friends and family should receive a more personal announcement, especially if any of these are to be included in the wedding party.
Really, Sarah, there’s not much else to it. Bride’s parents first, then the groom’s parents, then on down the line until your most obscure friends have been informed of the great news. I hope this helps! Best of happiness and success in your marriage.
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