Let’s face it; being in a wedding party can be stressful. Between the money you dish out and keeping up with the wishes of the happy couple, it’s easy to feel like you’re in over your head. So what do you do about it?
Some might say the best way to deal is to grit your teeth and bear it. After all, this day only happens once (hopefully), so now is not the time to think about you! Well, we don’t believe in that here. Sometimes things happen out of your control and that’s not your fault. However, you should still make an effort to be respectful about dropping out, and here’s how you do it.
Say something ASAP
Once again, things happen that are out of our control. But if you realize that you can’t commit to being in the wedding any longer, try your best to let the couple know as soon as you can. This gives them time to fill in the space if they want/need or adjust plans according to your absence if they don’t. Go in with a game plan of how you’ll break the news and offer any support if you can. While it’s not the end of the world that you dropped out of the party, you should still try to be supportive.
Be honest
There’s several reasons why you might need to back out of a wedding! You’re expecting, the wedding is out of budget, you have a family emergency or major life crisis, or maybe you’re planning your own wedding. Whatever the reason may be, shoot 'em straight. Good friends will understand, and if you’re being asked to be in the wedding party odds are you’re good friends. So don’t tell a lie in an attempt to ease the blow. It will just make things worse.
In the same vein, choose your words wisely. If the bride is being a bridezilla, she doesn’t necessarily have to know that. This is an already sensitive situation so proceed with caution. As Adele once said, “If you’re gonna let me down, let me down gently.” Regardless of your reasoning, try to be gentle and be prepared for someone to be upset. You can’t control their actions, but you can control your reaction! Besides, if you still have intentions to attend the wedding, being caught in drama won’t save you a dinner plate at the reception.
Do it in person
This one doesn’t need a lengthy explanation. We don’t break up over text.
Save the Drama
Let’s say you did all you could, but everything still went terribly wrong. These aren’t the ideal circumstances, but try to worry about resolving it after the wedding. While we do hope the very best for you in this situation, we also want to prepare you for anything. If backing out of the wedding causes a great divide, do your best to dissolve the tension and then finish working it out later. A huge fight adds stress to everyone’s shoulders, including yourself, and tensions are bound to rise even more with wedding planning in the mix. Instead, offer to help with planning or make one nice gesture to acknowledge how they might be feeling, then move on. Your backing out doesn’t mean you have to apologize over and over, but by offering up a nice gesture, you’re acknowledging that you want to resolve the rift. Additionally, if you can and they’re willing, check in every now and then. This is just another way to show you care.
In the end, any good friendship will withstand minor challenges. Backing out of a wedding is stressful, emotional, and a challenging choice to make; but sometimes it’s for the best. Regardless of your reasoning, we hope this helps and if you had to back out of a wedding, spill the tea. We want to know.
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