Etiquette Matters: Can I Ask For Monetary Wedding Gifts?

I get this question a lot. Many brides want to know if they can ask for money or set up a money tree in lieu of other wedding gifts. Etiquette is pretty clear cut in this issue. It is traditionally very improper to ask for money as a wedding gift. The keyword here is traditionally. While It is not against wedding etiquette for close friends and family to contribute to the cost of the wedding, asking for money instead of a traditional wedding gift is a big No-No.

Keep in mind that modern wedding etiquette is constantly changing to reflect the needs of a new and diverse group of Echo Boomer Brides. Many couples are opting for store certificates, gift cards or cash instead of wedding presents. This may not set well with older guests, but younger wedding guests will be ok with asking for cash wedding gifts.

I’ve attended very few weddings where money trees were used. However, these are not entirely inappropriate. Money trees are usually used where there is no registry. Also, guests are warned ahead of time that a money tree will be presented at the reception instead of other wedding gifts. In this way, no guests are inconvenienced by forgetting to bring cash. Guests who bring gifts will not feel foolish nor will guests who fail to bring a gift.

Quite honestly, issues like this happen a lot when money trees are used. Guests who do not bring a wedding gift and provide cash instead feel like a heel when someone else comes in with a regular gift. Guests who bring in a gift feel a little underappreciated because they could’ve just as easily brought a $20 instead of feeling silly carrying in a package when no one else brought one.

While a money tree is not inappropriate for smaller weddings without wedding registries, the bride and groom must make sure that all guests are aware of this preference. As far as asking for money goes, view this modern wedding etiquette post to find out how to ask for cash wedding gifts.

Some couples announce that they would rather have a charitable donation made in lieu of gifts. Since this is not asking for money but rather asking that money go to a cause, this is a generally accepted practice.