Tips for being in the Wedding Party
Being included in a wedding party is a great honor and can be a wonderful experience. But if you’ve never done it before or it’s been a while, it can feel daunting or like you’re missing something. Here is a comprehensive list of what is typically expected and tips for maneuvering dress shopping with the bride, finding your own attire, ensuring a smooth rehearsal, and navigating expenses.
Firstly, What an Honor
The couple selecting their wedding party is essentially saying, “You are the people I hold closest to my heart and I want you to be a part of one of the biggest days in my life.” It is a role to take seriously and to enjoy thoroughly. The people getting married are some of your best friends and you want them to have the happiest day imaginable. You are there to ensure that the bride feels beautiful and that the groom knows how lucky he is.
Let's Talk Cost
Being in the wedding party comes with costs you wouldn’t normally plan for. On average, the wedding party attends a bachelor/ette trip, wedding showers, uses makeup artists and hair stylists, purchases a dress or tux, shoes, nails, and finally, purchases a wedding gift. If you have a more upscale bride and groom, the numbers can start to add up. If you have a more budget-conscious or thrifty couple, you can get crafty to cut the expenses.
Tips:
1. Assess your budget. Know what you need to splurge on and what to cut back on with your responsibilities in the wedding.
2. If you need to opt out of things, tell the couple. If a bachelor/ette trip is not in the cards for you, talk to the bride or groom and let them know. They will understand.
3. Split the responsibilities and the bill. Instead of it all falling on one or two people, have the entire bachelor/ette group chip in to cover expenses for the trip, getting ready attire, or even a nice gift from all of you.
Dress Shopping with the Bride
Going wedding dress shopping is a special day full of ranging emotions. Whether you’re there with the bride or over the phone, your job is to gauge your response based on hers. If she goes into it with a specific look in mind, be prepared to go to a couple of bridal shops. Maybe your bride is open to a few different styles, so it is a good idea to show her a few options, even if she doesn’t try them.
Sometimes, parents can be the best or the worst addition to this occasion. A mom who’s too opinionated in a negative way can dull the sparkle of the moment.
If a future mother-in-law is selective of one dress and the mother-of-the-bride is set on another, pull the bride aside and ask what dress she prefers. The bride must choose the right gown for her that she won’t look back on and regret.
Tips:
1. Take photographs of every dress from the front, sides, and back. Make sure to get the train, the bodice, and even the details on the sleeves. These will be crucial if the bride is going back and forth deciding between two or three dresses. Almost as important as taking the photo is not sharing it with anyone except the bride. Every bride wants their “wow moment” when they walk down the aisle, so don’t spoil it by sharing what her dress looks like.
2. Remember who you’re there for. This is her day, so make sure other people in the room aren’t overwhelming her by voicing their opinions. The loudest voice in the room should be the person wearing the dress.
3. Be prepared for it to take time. Some brides don’t find “the dress” at the first bridal shop they go to, which is perfectly okay! Help the bride research some good dress shops in the area to find her perfect gown.
Finding Your Dress or Suit
Now the hard part begins for you, but don't worry, the bride and groom will know what color dresses or tuxes you should wear. In the last few years, it has become more common for bridesmaids to choose their style of dress within the color scheme, which creates an eye-catching yet cohesive look. More traditional weddings will have matching bridesmaid dresses and maybe a stand-out Maid of Honor dress. It is important to remember that you can voice your concerns if you are pregnant and need a more flowy dress to fit comfortably. Read our blog here for ways to re-wear your bridesmaid dress or upcycle it after the wedding.
As for a suit, tuxedo rentals are often accessible through bridal shops, flower shops, and many department stores. Finding options such as a grey suit and navy tie, or starched jeans and a tan suit jacket should be manageable through the right outlet.
Tips:
1. Get your dress or suit at least a month in advance just in case you need tailoring, there are shipping delays, or you need to return it and get something new.
2. Get the exact Pantone shade of the wedding colors so you can match them completely. It sticks out in a bad way if your dress is slightly off from the rest of the bridal party unless you are the Maid of Honor and it is intentional.
3. Always send a photo of yourself in the dress or tux to the bride or groom to get it approved or let them know you have your items for the wedding. This assures them the details are coming together and it's one less thing to worry about
The Engagement Party / Engagement Announcement
The engagement party is usually planned by the family, though more recently, the couple has taken over this party planning responsibility. It is not on the wedding party to be heavily involved in the planning, considering they have likely not been chosen yet. This time is more for celebrating the engagement itself rather than jumping straight into wedding planning.
Tips:
1. Don’t spoil the surprise! This party usually happens shortly after the couple gets engaged, sometimes even that night or the next week. A proposal is a surprise and a pivotal moment, don’t give away any hints or show any possible sign that you know it will happen soon.
2. Enjoy your time and support the couple. Get to know the guests that attend the engagement party. These special guests will also likely be at the wedding, considering it is a more intimate gathering.
3. Do not wear white or announce any big news you may have. This occasion is the first of many that is not about ourselves, so don’t take attention away from the happy announcement.
Bridesmaid or Groomsman Proposal
While some brides will plan an elaborate gift to ask their friends to be in the wedding, a simple phone call or asking in person is just as special. If you anticipate being a maid of honor or best man and are not asked to be such honors, maybe talk to the couple or enjoy the more laid-back responsibility of simply being in the wedding party. There are still quite a few things you will have to do as part of the wedding! It is okay to delay an answer due to costs, possible time conflicts, or complications with being in someone’s wedding.
Tips:
1. Consider your answer beforehand. Being asked to be a bridesmaid or groomsman may come as a surprise, but it’s always a good idea to think about what you would
2. Don't be afraid to say no. If you are on a tight budget, have time constraints, are moving away soon, or have a list of conflicts, don’t feel afraid to tell your friend what is going on or say no altogether.
3. Don't immediately insert yourself into the wedding planning. Some brides or grooms prefer to keep the planning to themselves or will ask you for help when it is needed. Don’t ask if you can go to the cake tasting or look at venues, wait until the bride or groom wants your opinion.
Wedding Showers
This is more for the bridesmaids, but the wedding showers are some of the first celebrations for the couple. As a maid of honor or bridesmaid, you will assist in setting up the shower, keep track of gifts for thank you cards, and help clean afterward. The wedding shower is usually for members of the couple’s family, church, country club, or family friends, so don’t feel intimidated if you’ve never seen some of these people before.
Tips:
1. Arrive early to set up for the shower. You’ll need to help set up, set out food, or wrangle gifts as guests arrive.
2. Wear something other than white. This rule began at the engagement party and remains until after the wedding.
3. Be a helper. It is on the bridal party to help arrange the decorations, clean up, and get the gifts home with the bride.
The Bachelor/ette Weekend
Typically separated but on the same weekend, the bachelor party for the groomsmen and the bachelorette party for the bridesmaids are some of the more common wedding events to splurge on. Often a trip out of town, this weekend is a celebration of the upcoming wedding with their friends. Sometimes seen as a “last hoorah,” these parties are planned by the maid of honor and best man and are based on what the bride and groom like. This can involve daytime activities, concerts, special restaurants, bars, etc.
Some brides or grooms don’t want to travel or have a small wedding party and would rather enjoy something closer to home. Excellent ideas for this include a spa day, a party at home, a sentimental tour of the town, or even just a nice home-cooked dinner.
Tips:
1. Don't get caught up in the excitement. It may be self-explanatory, but these events are known to have an impact, just be careful.
2. If you’re the maid of honor or best man and don’t know where to start on the planning, check out our article for themes and brainstorm with the other bridesmaids or groomsmen on a destination!
3. If you’re the maid of honor or best man and don’t know where to start on the planning, check out our article for themes and brainstorm with the other bridesmaids or groomsmen on a destination!
The Rehearsal Dinner
The rehearsal dinner is the last celebration before the big day! It's orchestrated by the parents and takes place after practice for the wedding. This is a less formal affair than the wedding, but it is still expected that you dress well. It is also sometimes common for the bride or groom to expect a speech from the wedding party or just the maid of honor and best man.
Tips:
1. Remember the wedding practice. This is pivotal to ensure a smooth ceremony.
2. Be a good anchor for the bride or groom. Nerves may be running high since it’s becoming real for the couple.
3. Be conversational and enjoy! The wedding traditions are coming to a close, sit back and enjoy all the events that brought you here and what tomorrow brings.
Getting Ready on the Wedding Day
You’ve finally made it to the wedding day, but the marathon is far from over. Today will be full of hair appointments, makeup, and sitting in a chair for a while, anxiously waiting. This is when having a wedding party is the most important. Your role is to keep the day fun, and smooth over any instances that may come up. You know the bride and groom best, so expect to have the things they need to feel comfortable.
Tips:
1. If you're having brunch the morning of, eat and take care of yourself because it will be a long day.
2. Take care of the problems that occur. Little snags can come up at any point, like the officiant running late or the hair stylist having to redo something. It’s your job to take all these little things off the bride’s or groom’s plate.
3. Keep the energy up. Make some music playlists, bring a little gift, go around the room and uplift the bride or groom, and so on. You know what makes the couple excited, so try and keep it the happiest day of their lives.
The Ceremony and Reception
You finally made it! If there is a wedding planner, you will not have to do too many things to set up for the reception or ceremony, but if there is not, you will be expected to help. Remember what you practiced at the rehearsal and it will go so smoothly.
This is the big moment that they will always remember and tell their children about. You have been a part of something so special and meaningful, so enjoy the last few hours of the experience. For the more sensitive brides or grooms, expect a few tears.
Tips:
1. You're gonna cry. Even if you don’t think you will, you’ll probably get a little choked up.
2. Stand tall and always be picture-perfect. You are going to be in every single one of these ceremony photos, so try and look engaged.
3. Don’t stand out. This is not the time to announce something of your own or take away from the moment. You may have a speech at the reception, don’t make it something too embarrassing or talk about yourself too much. Remember this is their day, they have spent all this time and money to get where they are, so don’t ruin it with a surprise proposal to your long-time partner or announce a pregnancy. Let each wonderful thing have its own moment.
Conclusion
Being in a wedding takes a lot, but it is the most supportive and rewarding thing you can do for your friends. You’ll always be able to look back on wedding photos and appreciate the events, memories, and enjoyment you had. Don’t let the pressure get to you, take it one celebration at a time and make it special for the lovely couple. After all, maybe they’ll do the same for you!
All photos included in the blog were sourced from Pinterest and are linked to the image.
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