Ask The Wedding Guide: I just got invited to a wedding. I work with the girl and we're friends but we're not super close. I'm going to be out of town that weekend and will not be attending. Am I still required to send a wedding gift? Sarah Lynn from Tulsa:
The Wedding Guide: Thankfully, this is a more cut-and-dried wedding etiquette issue than most would expect. The simplest answer is yes, it is polite to send a wedding gift. However, there are situations where it would be ok to refrain from purchasing a wedding gift. Here's how you can tell pretty quickly:
Yes, Buy A Gift
- I received a wedding invitation
- I am good friends with the bride/groom/family
No, It's OK To Not Buy A Gift
- We haven't spoken in years or many months
- We haven't seen each other in years or many months
- I received a wedding announcement, not an invitation
- I was told about the wedding but have not received an invitation
- I was told about the wedding through a third party
- I was asked not to buy a gift
- The couple is accepting money only or has a money tree at the reception
In your situation Sarah Lynn, you received an invitation from a good friend. Your absence is unfortunate but wedding etiquette suggests purchasing a gift for the new couple. It is acceptable to give the gift to her before or after work or before your departure at her home. Perhaps ask to host the couple at an informal dinner at a time convenient for all and give it then. You can make the giving process as simple or lavish as possible. For that matter, the gift doesn't have to be the highest priced item on the registry. It's the thought that counts in this case.
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