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Ask The Celebration Advisor: Well this is a hard one My daughter is getting married in April 2010 and has not spoken to her Dad in 2 yrs because of a argument that involved his new girl friend..She misses him dearly and would love him to give her away at her wedding..But she just won't give in to talk to him about it..Is it wrong for me to talk to him and to let him know that this is what she wants more than anything is him to be there and to give her away…Its very hard on her and me I not sure I want to help as I think this would make her wedding day be complete Thanks Cheryl

Celebration Advisor

You do have quite the dilemma.  As a parent, you want to give your child everything they want and deserve.  When your child is an adult, it is harder to do this without seeming like you are trying to control the situation.  So, the answer to your question boils down to the relationship you have with your daughter and your part in the argument she had with her father.  If you had nothing to do with the argument, it is perfectly acceptable to act as an mediator between the two.

Before doing so, I would first ask myself a few questions. Do you have a cordial relationship with her father? Do you speak to him on an occasional basis? Does he want a relationship his daughter?  If the answers are basically yes.  You can certainly act as a mediator for the two of them.

I would begin with your daughter.  Have a frank and open conversation with her.  Not every wedding ceremony involves the father giving the bride away.  Discuss the options with her. Giving the bride away can be an honor held by someone other than the biological father.  She can have you, a favorite uncle, a special grandfather or a family friend give her away. It may even help her to understand the wedding tradition behind giving the bride away.  But if down deep in her heart her wedding will only be complete if her father gives her away, let her know that you are will to speak to her father for her.

Communication between you and your daughter is the key in this situation.  As long as she is ok with you discussing the wedding with her father, it will be perfectly acceptable for you to do so.

May her wedding be the happiest day of her life.