Ask The Celebration Advisor: When you have two sets of grandparents for both the bride and groom, do you alternate seating the grandparents during the processional? or do you seat all the groom’s grandparents first, and then all the bride’s grandparents? ~ Erika M.

The Celebration Advisor: Great question, Erika! How lucky you both are to have both sets of grandparents at your wedding! According to traditional wedding etiquette, you have several good options depending on how quickly and politely you are trying to seat your guests.

Traditional Wedding Etiquette Seating Option: The general wedding etiquette rule of thumb with grandparents is to seat them as they arrive. This prevents them from having to stand longer than would be comfortable. This also prevents the hassle of figuring out who walks with whom, when and where they sit when they get there.

Modern Wedding Etiquette Seating Option: Seat your mother’s parents first, then your groom’s mother’s parents, then your father’s parents, then the groom’s fathers parents. Wedding processionals and seating always favor the bride and then the maternal side of both families.

Polite and Modern Wedding Etiquette Seating Option: If you really want to have your grandparents walk before the wedding processional, a polite seating option would be to seat the your grandparents first (both sets) then seat both sets of the groom’s grandparents. This is a spin off of the modern wedding etiquette option for seating that is very popular. However, this option is more in line with the traditional order of the processional and seating arrangements.

Ask The Wedding Guide: I just got invited to a wedding. I work with the girl and we’re friends but we’re not super close. I’m going to be out of town that weekend and will not be attending. Am I still required to send a wedding gift?  Sarah Lynn from Tulsa:

The Wedding Guide: Thankfully, this is a more cut-and-dried wedding etiquette issue than most would expect. The simplest answer is yes, it is polite to send a wedding gift. However, there are situations where it would be ok to refrain from purchasing a wedding gift. Here’s how you can tell pretty quickly:

Yes, Buy A Gift

• I received a wedding invitation
• I am good friends with the bride/groom/family

No, It’s OK To Not Buy A Gift

• We haven’t spoken in years or many months
• We haven’t seen each other in years or many months
• I received a wedding announcement, not an invitation
• I was told about the wedding but have not received an invitation
• I was told about the wedding through a third party
• I was asked not to buy a gift
• The couple is accepting money only or has a money tree at the reception

In your situation Sarah Lynn, you received an invitation from a good friend. Your absence is unfortunate but wedding etiquette suggests purchasing a gift for the new couple. It is acceptable to give the gift to her before or after work or before your departure at her home. Perhaps ask to host the couple at an informal dinner at a time convenient for all and give it then. You can make the giving process as simple or lavish as possible. For that matter, the gift doesn’t have to be the highest priced item on the registry. It’s the thought that counts in this case.

Ask The Celebration Advisor: What is the proper order of the wedding processional if the bride’s grandparents and groom’s parents are divorced? Does the bride’s paternal grandmother or step grandmother go first? Does the groom’s mother or stepmother go first? ~ Marcie W.

The Celebration Advisor: Marcie, great question! The order of the processional can be tricky, as can be balancing blended families, so it’s very important to make sure that no toes are stepped on. Thankfully, wedding etiquette is constantly evolving to represent the shift from nuclear to blended families. In your situation, the order of the processional isn’t as tricky as you might have thought.

Typically, it is polite to seat immediate family members as they arrive to the ceremony. This includes grandparents. In this way, there are no toes to step on with grandparents. (For seating advice, see Wedding Ceremony:  Seating For Divorced Parents and Grandparents.)

With parents, the order of the processional is pretty similar. The host (usually the mother of the bride) is seated last. This is to represent that all of her guests have been seated first. This is true even if the bride and groom are hosting the wedding. So, the order would be groom’s stepmother (escorted by groom’s father or an usher), groom’s mother (escorted by new spouse or usher), bride’s stepmother (escorted by an usher), and finally the bride’s mother (escorted by her new spouse or an usher). Even brides estranged from their mothers follow this order but alter the seating arrangements.

The bride’s stepmother is seated by an usher because her husband (the bride’s father) is busy preparing to walk the bride down the aisle. He will join his new wife when seated, however, typically in the second pew on the left.

Wedding processionals, seating, and hostess duties tend to favor the bride, the maternal side of her family, and the maternal side of the groom’s family after that. Therefore, the order of the processional (if all family members remain amicable) is as mentioned:  groom’s stepmother, groom’s mother, bride’s stepmother, bride’s mother.

Thanks so much for your question Marcie!

Ask The Celebration Advisor: [I need a ] nice way of saying “no children under 2″ at wedding. ~ Karen

The Celebration Advisor: Karen, don’t feel like you’re stepping on toes by not inviting children to your wedding — or in this case — children of or below a certain age. It’s perfectly acceptable! Traditional wedding etiquette provides a few ways to make this clarification known without hurting feelings (theirs or yours!)

First, you can put only the names of the parents on the outer and inner envelope of the wedding invitation. This exclusion of “and family” or the child’s name should be understood as “no young children allowed.” It is highly inappropriate to put “no children” on the invitations. Some may not be as familiar with wedding invitation etiquette. If you get a call saying “we’re bringing our children too”, explain the situation at that point.

Though it is not appropriate to state this on the invitation according to traditional wedding etiquette, it is acceptable to include a small note (much like you would include a map with the reception invitation) that briefly explains that there is an age limit for the children in attendance.

If you want the parents of young children to come but don’t want their children in the actual ceremony or reception, consider providing guests with the names and numbers of local babysitters. Another option is to provide a nursery with babysitters for the duration of the ceremony. If the parents want to attend the reception, they may have to hire a sitter of their own. Depending upon the ceremony location, this can be a agreat alternative that still provides an age limit for the children at your wedding but doesn’t put a crimp on your guest list.

Ask The Celebration Advisor: I need to know how that the wedding march goes.  In this wedding one of the baby girls; a flower girl; is a new born and there is a little boy newborn and these two will have to be packed down the aisle. How would the match be performed? Please, we need help. ~ Pamela Sue, Stinnett Kentucky

The Celebration Advisor: Pamela Sue, thanks for your question! The answer is a bit tricky but I believe it will be very helpful when planning your wedding processional. Whether a religious or secular ceremony, typically the best man or final groomsman walks followed by the maid/matron of honor. Next comes the ring bearer first and flower girl next if they do not walk together. The bride follows.

Your wedding processional (obviously) is a bit tougher. While wedding etiquette uses these guidelines for the wedding processional, they are simply that—guidelines. If you would like to adhere as closely as possible to the standard order of a wedding processional, consider having the final groomsman or best man carry the ring bearer down the aisle during the processional followed by the maid of honor who carries the flower girl. Once they reach the end of the aisle, they may either continue to hold the babies, give them to the groomsmen and bridesmaid furthest from the bride and groom, or place them in carriers waiting on the front aisle. This order of the wedding processional does not conflict with any wedding etiquette guidelines.

Another option is to have the mother of the infant carry the child down the aisle while wearing matching attire. This is especially helpful if the mother is already in the bridal party.

There are a few things to consider when deciding who will hold the babies during the processional and ceremony. First, the maid of honor is responsible for holding the wedding bouquet when the bride is exchanging rings. The best man is responsible for keeping up with the rings before they are exchanged. If the best man and maid of honor are ok with holding a baby and a bouquet/ring, this arrangement will work just fine. Second, the first row is usually reserved for grandparents and parents of the bride and groom. They may make an exception in this case and choose to look after the babies during the ceremony or not. Either way, you have a lot of fun on your hands. But don’t worry. Your wedding processional will go along smoothly!

Ask The Wedding Guide: My parents want to help pay for the wedding so that my fiancee and I can have a nicer ceremony. We really appreciate the help but aren’t sure what to ask them to pay. We don’t want to step on toes or ask too much to we thought about asking them to buy the wedding flowers. Is that appropriate? ~ Jesse J. from Fountain, Colorado.

The Wedding Guide: Jesse, great question! I love discussing wedding etiquette so I was thrilled when I came across your question. The simplest answer is that it is fine to ask your parents if they would like to provide the wedding flowers. It’s not uncommon in modern weddings for many different people to have a hand in payment. However, there are a few things to keep in mind when the wedding is being paid for by more than just the couple.

First, consider your parents temperament. I say this first because of your concern for stepping on toes. It’s easy to do even by accident in matters this large. You know your parents well and very likely know how to best approach them with this subject. Simply be respectful when the subject is brought up. Understand that you and your bride may have to forgo certain features in favor of compromise.

If they ask to pay for more than the wedding flowers, discuss it with your fiancee before agreeing or declining. Then again, your parents may not want to foot more than the wedding flowers. It’s always a good idea to discuss this with your bride first. If you want to know about some other options, here is a recent blog about whose family pays for what under traditional wedding etiquette standards. Not to bead a dead horse or bore you with a longer answer, you may also enjoy this checklist about the roles of brides, grooms, bridesmaids and ushers in paying for the wedding.

I hope you figure out a compromise. I’m sure you’ll walk the aisle of a great wedding ceremony! Don’t forget to let me know how it turns out. Thanks Jesse!

Ask The Celebration Advisor: Can you help?? I am helping my sister plan her wedding. Our parents are deceased. My sister’s future in-laws offered to pay for the wedding photographer, but my sister wants to make sure she’s following proper wedding etiquette. So, who normally pays for the wedding photographer and how far in advance should we look for and book one? Tracy Lynn, Lowell Massachusetts

The Celebration Advisor: Thanks for your question, Tracy Lynn! It’s very sweet of you to help your sister plan her wedding! That should turn out to be a great bonding experience for you and her. Your question is one that can be easily answered and will help your sister out tremendously.

• Traditional wedding etiquette states that the family of the bride is responsible for the wedding photographer.

BUT…modern brides (even in Lowell) are less stringent about wedding etiquette these days. Much etiquette is now dictated by the situation of the couple and their families. After all, we’ve come a long way since the days that the bride’s family paid for it all. It’s estimated that 55% of modern brides still pay for the wedding photographer. However, couples also pay for the wedding photographer together. Brides often team with relatives to pay for the wedding photographer. 50% of grooms bear this responsibility, so it’s not outside the realm of wedding etiquette to allow the in-laws to pay for the wedding photographer.

It’s obviously a big gesture for your sister’s in-laws to offer to pay for any of the wedding, especially a big part like the wedding photographer. Without offending them, there are easy ways to accept their gesture without compromising wedding etiquette. If your sister is a stickler for tradition, suggest that she discuss other traditional wedding payment roles with her in-laws. For example, traditionally the groom and groom’s family are responsible for the rehearsal dinner other things like this. If you’d like more ideas, visit this blog about wedding expenses (who pays for what).

When you consider hiring a wedding photographer in Lowell MA, put that on the bride’s list of things to buy since she favors traditional wedding etiquette roles. Her in-laws can still contribute in other ways (which will be a big burden off of her own shoulders) and will not feel left out of the ceremony.

As far as when you should begin looking for a wedding photographer, begin right away! Once a date has been set, it’s never too early to begin the search for a wedding photographer in Lowell. Wedding Photographers book up fast. Depending on the season in which your wedding falls, it’s best to begin looking as soon as you know a set-in-stone date.

Don’t forget to return to Wedding And Party Network and share the wedding photos with us! Enjoy the ceremony!

Ask The Celebration Advisor: Appropriate color of a mans jacket for a rehearsal dinner in Los Angeles. Dinner to be held in brides house in Beverly Hills. Black tie wedding the next day with reception at the Beverly wilshire. Is a pale blue silk and cashmere jacket appropriate or should the jacket be darker in shade? Thank you, Leonard

The Celebration Advisor: Leonard, good question! Most people don’t think much of rehearsal dinner attire until they arrive at the actual dinner. Though there are no hard and fast etiquette rules about rehearsal dinner attire, it’s generally best to err on the side of formality especially in the Beverly Hills area. Also, rehearsal dinner attire you choose should be based on the formality of the occasion. Since the rehearsal dinner you are attending is in Beverly Hills (and followed by a formal wedding), it’s best to assume that it will be a semi-formal wedding rehearsal dinner. In this case, the darker jacket is more appropriate. After all, it’s always better to be overdressed than underdressed for this type of occasion.

If you feel that the pale blue silk and cashmere jacket is appropriate formal wear for the occasion, go for it! If you’re not quite sure and you want to be on the safe side, opt for a darker suit jacket.

Have fun at the dinner!

I get tons of questions asking me who pays for what regarding the wedding. Does the bride pay for this? Can I pay for that? Can I ask someone to pay for this? Is it ok that the bride’s family isn’t paying for the wedding? Though a small novella would answer all of these questions, here is a simple checklist to let you know the traditional roles in paying for the wedding. Thank you, Emily Post.

Who Pays For What? — Traditional Expenses of The Bride or Bride’s Family

• The wedding consultant (wedding planner or wedding coordinator)
• Wedding invitations, enclosure cards, announcements (all wedding stationery)
• Wedding flowers which includes the bridesmaids bouquets, wedding bouquets, and any floral decorations for the ceremony and reception.
• Wedding photographer and photographs
• Wedding videographer and video
• Any music used during the ceremony and reception
• The entire reception (yup, this is the bride’s responsibility in full)
• Bridesmaids gifts and attendants gifts
• The groom’s wedding ring
• Carpet for the aisle, rental of awnings, etc.
• Cost of soloists and other wedding ceremony musicians/entertainment
• A traffic officer if necessary
• The bridal party’s transportation to the reception
• Transportation and lodging for officiant if invited by the bride’s family
• Any accommodations (lodging, fees) for the bridesmaids and attendants
• Sexton fees

Who Pays For What? — Wedding Expenses of The Groom or Groom’s Family

• The marriage license
• Grooms gift to his bride
• Gifts for groomsmen, ushers, etc.
• Formal wear accessories for groomsmen if not part of the clothing rental package
• In some regions, the bridal bouquet
• The bride’s going-away corsage
• Boutonnieres for the groomsmen, ushers, etc.
• Officiant’s fee or donation (this is always a groom’s fee and is different than accommodations)
• Transportation for groom and best man to and from the ceremony
• The honeymoon package and expenses(yup, bride gets the reception, groom gets the honeymoon)
• The rehearsal dinner
• Accommodations for groomsmen, ushers, etc.
• Bachelor dinner if one is being held
• Transportation and lodging for groom’s immediate family
• Corsages for immediate members of both families unless bride includes these in her wedding flowers package
• The bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring

Who Pays For What? — Wedding Expenses of the Bridesmaids or Honor Attendants

• Apparel and all accessories
• Transportation to and from the city where the wedding is being held
• Contribution to a group gift from the bridesmaids to the bride if being given
• An individual gift to the couple if given (being in the wedding may be considered one)
• A shower or luncheon for the bride if held

Who Pays For What? — Traditional Expenses of the Best Man or Ushers

• Individual wedding attire rental
• Transportation to and from the city where the wedding is being held
• Contribution to a group gift from the groomsmen to the groom
• An individual gift to the couple if given
• A bachelor dinner or luncheon if held

Who Pays For What? — Traditional Expenses of Out Of Town Guests

• Transportation to and from the wedding
• Lodging expenses
• Wedding gift

This may seem like a lot to absorb at one time. Don’t worry about it! Print this list off and keep it for later. I hope this is helpful when you’re creating the budget for your wedding. It’s always nice to know who pays for what!

Ask The Celebration Advisor: Please settle an argument between me and my mom. What is the best wedding dress style for a late afternoon fall wedding in Niagara Falls, NY? I want a strapless wedding dress but my mom says it needs to have sleeves. She says it’s tradition for late-year weddings. Is that still the proper etiquette for wedding dresses or can I get away with wearing the one that I want? ~Nancy, Niagara Falls, NY

The Celebration Advisor: Nancy, I hate to admit this but you’re both right! Traditional etiquette says that a full-length skirt and small jacket or sleeves is appropriate for a wedding ceremony during the cooler times of the year. This has a lot to do with what was socially acceptable at the time. Just as much of it was to  keep the bride comfy. Also, a small wedding dress jacket can easily be removed for the reception but is seasonally appropriate attire. Sleeves can’t be removed but no one said they had to be stiff and bulky.

In your defense, the modern wedding is all about the bride and which wedding dress style she prefers. While traditional values are still appreciated, there is no standard etiquette that brides are holding to these days. Most simply try to coordinate their hairstyle with the neckline of their gown, the style of dress they want with the formality of their wedding, the type of dress with the location and other important considerations. If it makes you comfortable and you think it looks good, it’s perfectly acceptable in a modern wedding.

Consider These Beautiful Wedding Dress Styles for Your Fall Wedding

If you really want to go along with your mother on this, there are many beautiful wedding dresses with light jackets. Also consider lace sleeves or something similar. A long skirt can be gorgeous with many of the wedding dress styles of today.

• Mermaid style wedding dresses are form fitting through the upper thigh but then loosen into a more flowing train.
• Empire wedding dresses are usually made of lighter fabrics. They have a very short train that gives the bride a semi-formal look.
• Column style wedding dresses are very simple. They are usually floor-length gowns without a train. These are usually the preferred dresses for second weddings and semi-formal affairs. These can be easily accentuated with a light jacket and still maintain a very beautiful appearance.
• A-line/Princess wedding gowns are arguably the most popular style for modern brides. These are simple enough to allow the bride to move freely without 15 attendants for her train. However, they are also gorgeous and rather formal. They present the best of both worlds.
• Ball Gown style wedding dresses are exactly what you’d think they are. Picture Cinderella’s wedding and you’re on the mark. These have full, elaborate skirts and a less dramatic bodice. You really are the queen for a day in a wedding gown like this.

If you want to hold your own in the debate, you are right also. Modern weddings have less stringent traditions. The brides of today are able to wear whatever they want. Many are even wearing colorful wedding gowns! If your  mother’s argument is mostly that “it’s traditional,” you can respectfully disregard that advice. The modern bride’s wedding is all about her and what she wants.

If you want to wear something sleeveless, that’s fine. If you want to  honor your mother’s wishes and wear sleeves or a light jacket, that’s great too. I recommend column, a-line, or empire styles if you opt for a jacket. All styles can benefit from one but these seem to be the most suited and popular. (That means easier to find!!)

My best recommendation is to find a compromise. Ask your mother if a sleeveless wedding dress would be ok with her. Perhaps something with thin straps but not strapless (works great with an empire style). This way you can still choose a neckline, satisfy your mother, and look beautiful on your wedding day.

Let me know which dress you pick! If your mother is anything like my mother, you’ll look beautiful in a wedding dress with sleeves. *grin*

Before I forget…A shout out to the wonderful people who let me use their photos!

* The photo of the bride wearing a wedding dress jacket was provided by Photographs by Lawrence, a wedding photographer in Marietta Oklahoma.

* The photo of the bride wearing a strapless wedding dress was provided by Prange’s Florist in Gainesville Florida (she provided the gorgeous bridal bouquet also seen in the photo).