Ask The Celebration Advisor: Help. I am not a traditional bride. I am 50 years old and getting married for the first time. Something I just never dreamed would happen. I'm very happy and excited. I have only lived and worked in Charleston for 2 years. We are have a very small & private reception at a private home on the water. We both agreed very early on to not include our co-works as both of us have only worked with them for a very short time.

I work in an office of 30 women. This has caused much discussion among my staff. I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I also do not want an office bridal shower. The best gift my office staff can give is to just be happy for me. I am well educated, a very private person and very professional when it comes to my position. I do not want to be the center of attention and I don't mix my personal life with business. I don't know how to tell my office staff this. Any suggestions.

Reply:
There is a fine line between not mixing personal business and being gracious to those whom you work with who want to honor your upcoming nuptials. Since showers are hosted by someone who wants to honor the bride, you can't very well forbid an office shower. However, there are ways in which you can come to a compromise that will be acceptable to everyone.

First, you will need the help of someone in your office. If you know who is pushing the office shower or who is in charge of the shower, go to them and explain what you have told me – although you appreciate their thoughtfulness, you don't like being the center of attention and the only present you need is their happiness for you. Then suggest a different kind of celebration. Perhaps a cake and special pastries during coffee hour where you visit with your staff but without a gift exchange. Or, an office lunch where everyone can visit. If your work schedule doesn't permit these types of celebrations, try an after-hours celebration like an hors d'oeuvre get-together without presents. You could even have drinks with your staff after-hours. All of these suggestions will allow you to keep the mixing of personal and professional to a minimum.

Although you don't want a shower, your staff cares enough to want to throw you one. Whatever you decide, it is important to respect their feelings. Hopefully they will do the same for you.

Congratulations and Good Luck.

Ask The Celebration Advisor: I am giving a bridal luncheon/shower.  The invitation only says bridal luncheon.  On the enclosure about the bridal registry, can I say "You may choose your shower gift from the bridal registry" and list the bridal registry or just have the bridal registries listed.  I think most people know this is also a shower, but I want to make sure and I want to do it properly.  Thanks! Anne

The Celebration Advisor:

Anne,

A bridal luncheon when held in conjunction with a shower must follow the same etiquette as a bridal shower.  Etiquette dictates that registry information should be included with the invitation.  However, the wedding registry information must NOT be on the invitation itself.  It must be on a separate note and Read the rest of Etiquette Issue: Including Wedding Registry Info on Bridal Luncheon Invitation »

Ask The Wedding Guide: I live in Florida but my family and wedding shower will be in New York. Because it will be so difficult to fly with our gifts I dont' know how to let my guests know what to give. I have thought about having a gift card shower? Is that common? How do you politely tell your guests in the invitation? Or do you have any other solutions?

Thanks for your help! Anna

Reply:
Anna,

You do have quite the dilemma but breaking a wedding etiquette rule is not a good idea. Wish lists or gift buying instructions are not by etiquette standards permitted on the invitations. Traditional Read the rest of Wedding Showers Etiquette For Traveling Bride »